40 days into Lent.

What have you learned?

What have you let go of?

What have your gripped tighter?

How is Jesus more real to you today?

Where do you need him to be more real tomorrow?

May Jesus be your light, your wisdom, your guide. May he be the power behind your every YES and your every NO. May you trust him in your everything.

Loving you where you are. Pointing forward to where He is.

justbeth:)

Pull out your notebook, your best pen… and start writing… start listening… God wants to speak to you today.

Hebrews 12: 1-2

NIV: New International Version

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

AMP: Amplified

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses ( who by faith have testified to the truth of God’s absolute faithfulness) stripping off every unnecessary weight and the sin which so easily and cleverly entangles us, let us run with endurance and active persistence the race that is set before us, (looking away from all that will distract us and) focusing our eyes on Jesus, who is the Author and Perfecter of faith ( the first incentive for our belief and the One who brings our faith to maturity)

ERV – Easy Reader Version

We have all these great people around us as examples. Their lives tell us what faith means. So we, too, should run the race that is before us and never quit. We should remove from our lives anything that would slow us down and the sin that so often makes us fall. We must never stop looking to Jesus. He is the leader of our faith. He is the one who makes our faith complete.

MSG – The Message

Do you see what this means – all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running – and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished the race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed- that exhilarating finish in and with God.

The Passion Version

As for us, we have all these great witnesses, who encircle us like clouds. So we must let go of every wound that has pierced us and the sin we so easily fall into. Then we will be able to run life’s marathon race with passion and determination, for the path has already been marked out before us. We look away from the natural realm and we fasten our gaze onto Jesus who birthed faith within us and who leads us forward into faiths perfection.

GO ahead… carve out some time. Write the words. Pray for the Holy Spirit to open you heart to what God wants to communicate with you.

And if you have an extra minute… I’d love to hear what he had to say.

Loving you where you are. Pointing forward to where He is.

justbeth:)

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Soooooo… next week is going to look a little different.

No Palm Sunday worship where we will receive our Palm crosses the ladies guild has painstakingly folded the week prior. No Sunday school children marching down church isles waving Palm branches – reinacting Hosanna Sunday. No Extra choir rehearsals for one of the most attended church services of the year. Musicians have been cancelled. Restaurant reservations have been cancelled. No last minute shopping trips to find little white sandals for little girls feet. No coordination of menus among family members for a large Easter dinner gathering. Mom makes the ham. Sister makes the sweet potatoe casserole. Sis in law makes the cheesecake. In an effort to be mindful of food shortage we may even decide to forgo coloring easter eggs.

Indeed. Its going to look and feel very, very different.

As I’ve reflected on this time I realized I have actually walked through a similar journey at this exact time of year. I reference this season so often because it made such an impact on me and my family. It’s where I learned to trust God most and saw his work most clearly. I hope you have times you can look back on to see the same. If you don’t – pay attention. I’m guessing God wants to use this time to teach us a thing or two.

When our son entered the hospital 3 weeks prior to Easter in 2007 we did not plan on spending more than a night. We certainly didn’t plan on admittance to ICU, teams of specialists hovering over him for days on end with way more questions then answers. We didn’t plan on him working with speech, and occupational and physical therapists multiple times a day. We didn’t plan on relying on friends and family to make meals for us each night. We didn’t plan on never receiving a specific diagnosis or zero predictions on when or if he would fully heal. And we certainly didn’t plan on eating Tuna fish for Easter dinner.

By the time we had reached Holy Week or the week proceeding Easter our family had created a new normal. We had a routine down pat. We lived day to day not knowing if this visit would stretch out days, weeks or months. We all needed structure and we had found it. It was critical for our sanity and survival. Tom and I took turns spending the night with Jonah while the other was home with the girls. The parent that had been home would drop the girls at school in the morning, attempt to get either business tasks or ministry tasks done during the day. After school we would pick up the girls as well as a meal someone had left at the school for us and make the 40 minute drive the hospital. Our family would then spend the evening together eating our meal, enjoying the fabulous play area on the children’s floor of the hospital. We would work on the girls homework and gather around our unresponsive sons bed. When it was time to get the girls to bed, the parent that had stayed in the hospital the night prior would take them home and the other parent settled in for their night in the hospital. We way lowered the bar on everything in life except the needs of all of our children. Including Easter dinner.

As Holy week unfolded we began to see signs that we would be able to leave. Despite the lack of diagnosis Jonahs medical team had just flat run out of tests and could do nothing more for us. Holy week was prep week for taking a wheelchair bound, unable to talk or swallow or communicate son home to our family of 5. On Tuesday a feeding tube was surgically inserted into his stomach. We learned how to work a feeding machine that would pump food into his stomach while he slept. We scheduled therapy 6 times a week held in locations not less than 45 minutes away. We borrowed a twin bed from our neighbor to replace the loft bed he would no longer be able to climb into. Tom and I were trained in how to get him in and out of his wheelchair to continue the exercises we hoped would lead to his ability to walk. This was all happening while Tom was prepping to lead our congregation through one of the busiest worship weeks of the church year.

In an effort to keep things semi normal for my girls I reached out to friends to ask if they could put together Easter baskets for them. And they did. They took my list and shopped and created beautiful baskets for Allie and Brooke. My parents had come in to town and my mom volunteered to spend Saturday night at the hospital so Tom and I could both be home on Easter morning. Tom lead worship. Our praise band knocked the music out of the park. We enjoyed the hugs and prayers of our faith community that was so important to us. Then we headed to the hospital for Easter dinner.

I’ll never forget that Easter afternoon. Our family of 5 and my parents huddled around Jonahs bed with styrofoam containers holding our individual orders from the hospital restaurant located in the lobby. We are so grateful that it was actually quite tasty. I picked Tuna. A tuna fish sandwich with a dill pickle on the side for my Easter dinner. There was a feeling of anticipation in the air because it had just been cleared that we would be able to bring Jonah home the next day. We had learned all that they thought we needed and discharge would happen the next day – the day after Easter. The day we celebrated the death and RESURRECTION of our Savior. We didn’t think about the backyard easter egg hunt that wasn’t happening. We didn’t talk about the cheese potatoes we weren’t eating. We weren’t critiquing the clothes people had chosen to wear to Easter Sunday church. We just sat and ate in a peace that can only come from the Holy Spirit. I remember the smell of the room. I remember the warmth and cozy feeling of 4 year old Brooke snuggled on my lap. I hear the sounds of nurses and doctors poking their heads into our room, wishing us well as news spread that we would be leaving the next morning. As my minds eye goes back to that scene I also see the arms of Jesus wrapped around that room. Reminding us of the victory we were celebrating that day. The victory that brought us life and peace and power and hope not only in the future but in that moment we were living. He was holding us all tight. I’m certain if he let go we would have all fallen to pieces. But of course he would never do that and he never will.

Oh friends. This is really, really hard. This looking ahead to another week of the unknown. This saying goodbye to lifetime traditions that mean so much. Let me be the voice, the reminder to you today… what ever…

What

Ever…

Next week holds. No matter what you eat for easter dinner. No matter how you celebrate this MOST important event. No matter how the Monday after looks –

What ever…

Jesus.

Is.

Near.

His arms are tight. And they are strong. They have fought death and won. Jesus has …

FOUGHT.

DEATH. and

WON.

WON.

WON.

Hold tight to that today.

Loving you where you are. Pointing you forward to where He is.

justbeth:)

Matthew 8:18- 22

When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the Lake. Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, ” Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Another disciple said to him, ” Lord first let me go and bury my father.” But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own.”

Matthew 12: 48-49

While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, ” Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.

NO VISITORS ALLOWED.

That is the sign currently posted on many hospitals and nursing homes. No visitors. NO matter your relationship to the patient or resident, no matter the severity of the illness, no matter the joy of the visit ( New babies!), no matter what. In an effort to keep this silent enemy at bay for those most at risk – the boundaries have gone up and they are tight.

The vision for this series of blogs focused on Jesus Yes’s and No’s in his earthly life came long before COVID-19. I had no idea that we would be walking through this unprecedented time during LENT 2020. I had no idea that the hardest blog I knew I would be lead to write would hold such relevance on the day I posted. It is one of the most challenging statements I see Jesus making in these verses from Matthew. I want to pretend he didn’t say them. I want to skim over and skip to something challenging yet doesn’t touch…

my family.

Theres nothing that raises my blood pressure faster then knowing my family is in any type of danger or under any kind of persecution. I have written multiple blogs that all stem from my experience of 22 years of parenting and almost 27 years of marriage. I have learned more about sacrifice, unconditional love, forgiveness in my family than any other arena of life. I love my people deeply – to the point my heart aches in both times of Joy and sorrow in their lives.

And Jesus tells us today… that nothing can take his place in our lives… even our family. Anytime we have something we depend on for our peace… depend on… it has become an idol that wants to fill the shoes of Jesus. In Matthew 8 we see a man that wants to follow him and has what seems to me a legitimate reason for delay – the funeral of his father. And Jesus challenges him by stating the commitment to follow him must start immediately – no questions asked. Thats a hard pill to swallow.

You may be thinking, Beth, my family doesn’t take the place of Jesus in my life. Maybe not yours, but let me show you how this reality shows up in mine.

When I lose my peace over my child not getting the playing time, the position on the team, the place in the choir, the job opportunity because I think they deserve it. Family has jumped ahead of Jesus.

When I jump in to rescue my child from a situation that I know they probably need to handle on their own. Family has jumped ahead of Jesus.

When I lay awake at night worrying about my child’s future and devise a plan to “suggest” to them so they will live a trouble free life. Family had jumped ahead of Jesus

When I’m tempted to not follow God’s leading because I KNOW it will cause discomfort to my loved ones. Family has jumped ahead of Jesus.

See what I mean?

Years ago I was sitting at the kitchen table of a friend whose husband had lost a lucrative position at a pharmaceutical company. He had decided to invest in a franchise and was learning the ropes of building and running a business from home. She was sharing all the obvious concerns in their situation. She said these words…

“But everything will be fine ( I’ll be ok and in peace) if my family stays healthy.”

And I thought.. ‘But what if they dont.”

What if they don’t.

Just imagine for a moment. What if a virus comes and sweeps across the globe, impacting thousands. What if it creates job loss? What if it prevents people from gathering in groups leading to cancelled weddings and graduations. What if you walk to the door of the nursing home where you mother or father or aunt or uncle or friend are living… alone and you

Cant.

Get .

In.

Oh… thats right we don’t have to imagine. We just have to open our eyes.

We are LIVING the reality Jesus knew would come. He knew we would be asked to keep a distance from those we love. He knew we would watch family suffer. He knew we would see loved ones fall from grace and deeply disappoint us. Which is why he says…

Eyes on me…. alone.

Trust in me…. alone.

Depend on me alone.

Peace in me alone.

The ironic thing about this command that seems so hurtful to our family…

Is that it’s actually the greatest thing we can do for our family. Our unwavering trust in Jesus. Our daily time spent with him. Our loyalty to him above all else. This relationship – when placed first in our lives… will give us the ability , the energy , the strength the peace to genuinely love and serve those we love most…

Our family.

Loving you where you are. Pointing you forward to where he is.

justbeth:)

Mark 1:35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

Matthew 14:22-23 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.

Mark 14:35 Going a little farther , he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. “Abba Father,” he said, ” everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will but what you will.”

My most heartfelt cries to Jesus have come in my greatest seasons of desperation. I don’t use flowery language, I don’t waste time on repeating the same things over and over. They are usually short prayers, to the point, possibly demanding, often fueled by anger, or fear or frustration. Its real Beth showing up to a real God. It’s far from pretty but oh so effective.

Jesus told his disciples in both word and action that prayer was an absolute must. He woke up early to get alone with his father. He set boundaries with his people by sending them off ahead of him so he could pray. He invited his closest peers in to see his most vulnerable prayers when hours before his death on the cross he honestly asks God, “Can you take this cup from me?-”

Our all knowing God is all too aware of the burdens we are carrying. He sees our struggles and honestly has allowed them to come. The purpose of life’s challenges are fulfilled when we are driven straight to Jesus – before we get all prettied up, before we think of the best words, before we know the answers….he wants us to give it ALL to him. There is no greater evidence of faith and trust in a relationship than when you show up in your yuck, you authentic real self and lay it all out.

Many years ago I found myself in a heap on my sons bedroom floor. I had just returned from his room in ICU where he was daily getting worse from an unknown illness. Three steps in and I felt a literal punch to my gut and I crumpled onto the carpet. “Would he ever sleep in his bed again?” I was mad, scared, frustrated. I believed 100% in a healing God but why did it feel like he wasn’t answering. I cried out to God with the most real, raw, ugly, honest prayer I have ever lifted up to him. I wept, I prayed…. and it was then… when I had been my most real…

That Jesus became most real to me.

Most.

Real.

To me.

Never in my life had I felt his presence so closely. Never in my life had I been so convinced of the reality of his existence. When I emptied Real Beth onto the carpet I had space for all of my REAL GOD. As long as I kept carrying my burdens I wasn’t leaving space for Jesus. I was essentially saying – I’m fine, I got this. l’ll let you know when I need you.

Are you there yet? Ready to get REAL with Jesus. Ready to dump it all. Ready to bring all your authentic questions, valid frustrations, unmet expectations to your Jesus?? A big part of me believes that in this lingering season where we don’t see an immediate end in sight that Jesus is waiting patiently for these real requests. As each day passes and our challenges may feel like they are getting bigger – he is waiting.

He is waiting.

He is waiting.

Will you come?

Loving you where you are. Pointing you forward to where He is.

justbeth:)

John 8:3-11

In the middle of Jesus teaching, the religious scholars broke through the crowd and brought a woman who had been caught in the act of committing adultery and made her stand in the middle of everyone. Then they said to Jesus, ” Teacher, we caught this woman in the very act of adultery. Doesn’t Moses’ law command us to stone to death a woman like this? Tell us, what do you say we should do with her?” They were only testing Jesus because they hoped to trap him with his own words and accuse him of breaking the laws of Moses. But Jesus didn’t answer them. Instead he simply bent down and wrote in the dust with his finger. ( Or in 2020 – he knealt down and drew on the sidewalk with chalk:). Angry , the kept insisting that he answer their question, so Jesus stood up and looked at them and said, “Let’s have the man that has never had a sinful desire throw the first stone at her.” And then he bent over again and wrote some more words in the dust. Upon hearing that, her accusers slowly left the crowd one at a time, beginning with the oldest to the youngest, with a convicted conscience. Until finally, Jesus was left alone with the woman still standing there in front of him. So he stood back up and said to her, ” Dear woman, where are your accusers?” Is there no one here to condemn you?” Looking around she replied, ” I see no one, Lord.” Jesus said…

“Then I certainly don’t condemn you either. Go, and from now on, be free from a life of sin.”

It was a group text to myself and 3 other neighbors. The above picture and the words, ” Let’s do this!” flashed across my phone screen. Within 30 minutes my neighbors and I and our families were outside on a beautiful Saturday sharing chalk and decorating driveways. It felt like therapy as Brooke and I created and colored and filled our blank driveway with a bible verse and 66 step hop scotch trail that lead to our door. It was a welcome escape from the last 7 days that had felt like 700. In a world gone crazy – this was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Later that evening I posted pictures on our community facebook page of the chalked up driveways that lined our street. I encouraged others around town to join us in an effort to bring JOY through chalk to our very uncertain world. The response was amazing. Pictures of colorful driveways popped up throughout the day. I also offered myself and my neighbors to decorate anyones driveways that may not be able to do their own. We had 10 responses!!! It was awesome. The writing of words of encouragement was healing for the writer and the recipient. We hope that all that walked by the messages experienced a smidge of joy in their day.

In the bible passage today, I share the story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery – an act – that by law – should have lead her to her death. We have no idea what she was wearing, maybe nothing at all, hopefully at least covered in a blanket. We know she was thrown into the middle of a religious teaching. We know things weren’t fabulous in her life if she was willing to sleep with a married man knowing it could lead to her demise. It was clearly not her best day. She was in desperate need of hope, encouragement and actually an act of God to get her out of the mess she had made. When her accusers demand an answer to what should happen with her they are essentially trying to trap him. They really didn’t care about what happened with the woman – they just wanted to put him in a spot where it would appear he was breaking the law of Moses.

And Jesus, in all his wisdom, stoops down…

and starts writing in the dirt. Or chalking on the sidewalk.

Many bible scholars believe there is no way we can know what Jesus wrote that day. My guess is speculation at best but I’m basing it on Jesus track record of encouraging people in unique ways. Remember the mud in the eye from my devotion a few days ago?? I picture Jesus, knealing down near the woman, moving his finger around in the sand , forming words like, “Be patient, I got you.” “You are loved.” “You are worthy.” He kept writing making the scholars more furious. Finally Jesus breaks the silence and proclaims – ‘He who is without sin, cast the first stone’. And religious leader by religious leader slowly turned and walked away. The woman – staring at the words in the sand realizes she has been set free. An act of God indeed. Words from Jesus speak truth and have power. They literally change the trajectory of people lives.

When the crowd has dispersed and all that is left is Jesus and the woman – the message he speaks can be summed up in 5 simple words – the response he desires from all of us when we are freed from the grip of sin..

“Go and sin no more.”

Incredible. Can you imagine? Her life was just given back. She can turn a new page knowing she has a Savior that loves her and believes her best days are yet to come. She is not defined by her past but able to live a brand new future.

I can’t wait to get to heaven and ask the woman what Jesus was writing. Isn’t that amazing that we will be able to rub shoulders with all that walked and talked with Jesus? When I see her, Im going to hand her a basket of colorful chalk and invite her to create with me. Until then I’m going to keep chalking encouragement to myself and my neighbors. Im going to share the words of Jesus – they’ve got the power to accomplish some pretty incredible things no matter how you communicate the message.

It’s just extra fun when it’s done with chalk.

Loving you where you are. Pointing you forward to where He is.

justbeth:)

It’s one of my favorite memes of the season. As one that needs to color my hair every 4-6 weeks – this hits close to home. I’m currently trying to stretch my last home color job before I break into my 1 box stash in my bathroom closet. The struggle is real.

As we move into another week of our new normal I’m feeling like more then my hair roots are starting to show. Times of adversity have the ability to reveal both the good and the bad of our hearts and motives. They provide opportunity to gain perspective on either the strength or the weakness of the things, people, ideas that have attracted our trust. Today I’ll refer to these as our roots.

It was an afternoon excursion to our local golf course last week that triggered the memory of this verse from Jeremiah – a prophet quite familiar with adversity. His job was to warn the nation of Judah of its coming destruction. Can you imagine God calling you to that position? “Yes – Jeremiah – every day your task will be to report bad news to a people that won’t want to hear it. You will get push back and not much encouragement. ” Despite early objections to this call on his life, Jeremiah obeyed and penned the words that offer me much encouragement and direction today.

In chapter 17- Jeremiah gives us clarity on how to handle the adversity of our day. He speaks from a place of authority as his life was one that did not get much affirmation from his circumstances – his hope and strength were in God alone.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

But Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes, its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

As I gazed upon the tree on the 5th fairway on the golf course I marveled that this mighty tree with so many roots was thriving. It could tell a story or two. It has seen heat, storms, adversity. How do I know? Its roots are exposed. No hiding this ones foundation. It has lost the security of dirt, grass and rocks and all that is left…

are the streams of living water flowing on either side.

Did you catch that….

all that is left…

streams of living water.

As my own life roots, places I’ve planted my trust and security are revealed….

MY schedule.

MY plans.

My bank account.

My Family.

My toilet paper stash….

as they are revealed – its becoming crystal clear.

The one thing, the one most important only thing that is keeping my heart steady, my emotions in check, my resolve strong, my vision clear , my hope united….

Its my roots connected to the word of my Savior. The words that flow over me like streams of living water. Word that refresh, renew, revitalize.

Its the beginning of another week…take a good long drink of living water by spending significant time in his word.

Your roots are thirsty…. and they are eagerly waiting to be satisfied.

Loving you where you are. Pointing you forward to where He is.

justbeth:)

33 days into Lent.

Yesterday I took time to document my life – every detail for the last 18 days. My mind was blown as I reflected on the massive change of all of our lives in such a very short period of time. I needed to see it in black and white. It gave evidence to both my weariness of body and my hunger of soul for Jesus. Pause on this sweet sunday and look back. Grab a pen- write it down. It is times like this where we see God do his mighty work in mighty ways that will serve as encouragement for us down the road. Blessings.

What have you learned?

What have you let go of?

What have your gripped tighter?

How is Jesus more real to you today?

Where do you need him to be more real tomorrow?

May Jesus be your light, your wisdom, your guide. May he be the power behind your every YES and your every NO. May you trust him in your everything.

justbeth:)

Pull out your notebook, your best pen… start writing… start listening… God wants to speak to you today.

Isaiah 30:20-21

NIV: New International Version:

Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more, with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ” This is the way; walk in it.”

ERV Easy Reader Version

The Lord might give you sorrow and pain like the bread and water you eat every day. But God is your teacher, and he will not continue to hide from you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. If you wander from the right path, either to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice behind you saying, “You should go this way. Here is the right way.”

GW – God’s Word

The Lord may give you troubles and hardships. But your teacher will no longer be hidden from you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. You will hear a voice behind you saying ” This is the way. Follow it, whether it turns to the right or to the left.”

TPT – The Passion Translation

Even though the Lord may allow you to go through a season of hardship and difficulty, he himself will be there with you. He will not hide himself from you, for your eyes will constantly see him as your Teacher. When you turn to the right or turn to the left, you will hear his voice behind you to guide you, saying, “This is the right path; follow it.”

The Voice

Even though the Lord has fed you the bitter food of adversity and offered you the water of oppression, your great Teacher will reveal Himself to you, your eyes will see Him. Your ears will hear sweet words behind you; Go this way. There is your path; this is how you should go,” whenever you must decide whether to turn to the right or to the left.

GO ahead… carve out some time. Write the words. Pray for the Holy Spirit to open you heart to what God wants to communicate with you.

And if you have an extra minute… I’d love to hear what he had to say.

justbeth:)

Matthew 24:42-44

Therefore keep watch, because you do not know what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you must also be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

I’ve been doing a pretty good job of living in the moment. Focusing on creating a new normal. Not dwelling on all that feels lost. Until yesterday. Until I took my little black dog for an afternoon walk on the most glorious spring day we’ve had this year. We strolled over to our high school campus around 3:00 p.m.

And it was beautiful.

The trees are budding and the 2 that have pink blossoms, located in front of the dining hall are ready to peak in color. And I remembered. I remembered that the eerily quiet campus was …. not normal. The empty soccer field, the silent baseball and softball diamonds, the picnic tables, the grass lawn on the quad…it wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. I thought of my daughters prom dress hanging in her closet. The graduation announcements waiting to be ordered. The empty calendar…. and I felt sad. And I allowed my thoughts which turned to prayers say, ” when God, when?” When will this end. What is the answer to my daughters question – ” do you think we’ll get to go back to school?” Yesterday – I just really needed to know.

The following words are a post I wrote almost 4 years ago – on my 46th birthday. Yes – you can do the math – this is the year I hit 50. What a year it’s been. Im sharing it again because, honestly, its what my heart needs and I imagine yours might too.

OCT 21, 2016

If you would have told me.

Years ago, Tom did a pre-marriage counseling session with a young couple. They were like most almost-marrieds: excited as they anticipated the new journey but also filled with questions.

Where they would live depending on job availability.  Should they try to live close to their families?

How many children did they want, if any?  Should they follow the husband’s career journey or the wife’s?  Would they both be able to pursue their dreams?

And they said, “Life would be so much easier if we just knew what was coming.”

Hmm.

Today I turn 46.

Today I woke up in a one bedroom apartment, in the middle of a residential high school campus, in a small Missouri town, population 2400.

Today my children live in dorms and I can walk to just about every amenity I need if I want to.

Today I  can see for miles and miles across wide open spaces of neighboring farm land.

Today I’ll walk my dog and greet students from 15 countries, all of whom are living in this world far away from family and everything they know to be normal.

Today I’ll carry laundry to the basement of our apartment building, then head to the back corner of the sub-basement where the washer and dryer currently live.

Today I’ll take about 100 steps to the football field and cheer on our team in their district game.

Not exactly, not at all, where I thought I would be celebrating my 46 years of life.

If someone would have told me.

If someone would have told me this future, I may have run and hidden.

I may have attempted to manipulate my world in a manner that would have prevented this move.

I would have pursued the lie that I know what is best and  that God can join me in my plans rather than me join him in his. (Can I get an Amen?)

Life isn’t easier, better, or safer if we know what is coming.

If someone would have told me this future and I would have run, I would have missed some of the most spectacular displays of God’s

peace

provision

power

that I have ever experienced.

The sunrises and sunsets over farm country are some of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.

The deep appreciation for the friends who are no longer in my everyday circle, which brings a sense of love and gratitude for blessings past.

The moments when I realize that God has amazing people placed all over the planet and that he orders our steps and our connections at just the right time.

As I begin this 47th year of life, I marvel at God’s ability to continue to lead my stubborn heart.

He reminds me that peace has nothing to do with where I fix my feet and so much more about where I fix my eyes and my heart and my mind.

You see,  “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ” Psalm 139:16

He promises that “He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3

The God who was with you yesterday in your normal, is the same God who is in your today and the same that waits for you in the future.

Are you currently in the middle of a season of wondering how in the world you got here?  Are you questioning God’s sovereignty as you look at how your life has unfolded? Are you wishing you could get a glimpse of the future so you don’t have to encounter one more day feeling like you are waiting for the other shoe to drop?

I get it. I feel you.

and I take your face in my hands, and I gently turn it to the one that will lead you on.

Loving where you are and pointing you forward to where He is,

justbeth:)