Therefore keep watch, because you do not know what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you must also be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.
I’ve been doing a pretty good job of living in the moment. Focusing on creating a new normal. Not dwelling on all that feels lost. Until yesterday. Until I took my little black dog for an afternoon walk on the most glorious spring day we’ve had this year. We strolled over to our high school campus around 3:00 p.m.
And it was beautiful.
The trees are budding and the 2 that have pink blossoms, located in front of the dining hall are ready to peak in color. And I remembered. I remembered that the eerily quiet campus was …. not normal. The empty soccer field, the silent baseball and softball diamonds, the picnic tables, the grass lawn on the quad…it wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. I thought of my daughters prom dress hanging in her closet. The graduation announcements waiting to be ordered. The empty calendar…. and I felt sad. And I allowed my thoughts which turned to prayers say, ” when God, when?” When will this end. What is the answer to my daughters question – ” do you think we’ll get to go back to school?” Yesterday – I just really needed to know.
The following words are a post I wrote almost 4 years ago – on my 46th birthday. Yes – you can do the math – this is the year I hit 50. What a year it’s been. Im sharing it again because, honestly, its what my heart needs and I imagine yours might too.
OCT 21, 2016
If you would have told me.
Years ago, Tom did a pre-marriage counseling session with a young couple. They were like most almost-marrieds: excited as they anticipated the new journey but also filled with questions.
Where they would live depending on job availability. Should they try to live close to their families?
How many children did they want, if any? Should they follow the husband’s career journey or the wife’s? Would they both be able to pursue their dreams?
And they said, “Life would be so much easier if we just knew what was coming.”
Today I turn 46.
Today I woke up in a one bedroom apartment, in the middle of a residential high school campus, in a small Missouri town, population 2400.
Today my children live in dorms and I can walk to just about every amenity I need if I want to.
Today I can see for miles and miles across wide open spaces of neighboring farm land.
Today I’ll walk my dog and greet students from 15 countries, all of whom are living in this world far away from family and everything they know to be normal.
Today I’ll carry laundry to the basement of our apartment building, then head to the back corner of the sub-basement where the washer and dryer currently live.
Today I’ll take about 100 steps to the football field and cheer on our team in their district game.
Not exactly, not at all, where I thought I would be celebrating my 46 years of life.
If someone would have told me.
If someone would have told me this future, I may have run and hidden.
I may have attempted to manipulate my world in a manner that would have prevented this move.
I would have pursued the lie that I know what is best and that God can join me in my plans rather than me join him in his. (Can I get an Amen?)
Life isn’t easier, better, or safer if we know what is coming.
If someone would have told me this future and I would have run, I would have missed some of the most spectacular displays of God’s
that I have ever experienced.
The sunrises and sunsets over farm country are some of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.
The deep appreciation for the friends who are no longer in my everyday circle, which brings a sense of love and gratitude for blessings past.
The moments when I realize that God has amazing people placed all over the planet and that he orders our steps and our connections at just the right time.
As I begin this 47th year of life, I marvel at God’s ability to continue to lead my stubborn heart.
He reminds me that peace has nothing to do with where I fix my feet and so much more about where I fix my eyes and my heart and my mind.
You see, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ” Psalm 139:16
He promises that “He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3
The God who was with you yesterday in your normal, is the same God who is in your today and the same that waits for you in the future.
Are you currently in the middle of a season of wondering how in the world you got here? Are you questioning God’s sovereignty as you look at how your life has unfolded? Are you wishing you could get a glimpse of the future so you don’t have to encounter one more day feeling like you are waiting for the other shoe to drop?
I get it. I feel you.
and I take your face in my hands, and I gently turn it to the one that will lead you on.
Loving where you are and pointing you forward to where He is,