Kitchen Tables

DATE DAY

If you time it right you can get right in. A seat at the table of our favorite Kansas City BBQ restaurant. If you time it wrong you are in for at least an hour wait. Its always worth it – the food is amazing. But if we have the option of eating in an off hour with less wait time – we will take it. Although we love Q39 BBQ- I had originally wanted to spend our date night at a beautiful restaurant overlooking the Missouri River. We discovered it in fall of 2020. It was one of our first excursious out of town in the after mast of covid. It was delightful. Delicious food. Good Missouri wine. I was so excited to go back – it had been too long.

I was disappointed when the web site informed me that it had transitioned to an EVENT ONLY establishment. “Host your college reunion, wedding reception, birthday party”. How about dinner for 2 celebrating making it through another year?

I just wanted a quiet seat, at a quiet table in a lovely restaurant to reconnect with my husband.

Plan B:

Lovely dinner – got right in. Burnt ends burger. A little disappointing – truffle fries off the menu. Semi delicious mock tail. And then we were off.

When I had envisioned our time in the city – I imagined a delicious meal and then a browse around The KC Plaza area. Our drive to the plaza took us through a beautiful neighborhood with winding, hilly streets with homes that look like they sprung up from the limestone bedrock soil – for which this part of the world is famous. (Fun Fact: KC is often called the Limestone Belt) . It was a clear, sunny afternoon in the mid 40’s. Really perfect for window shopping and an occasional peak inside those stores that were calling our name.

Our usual parking garage was a buz (tranlsation – packed with impatient drivers) activity. In the past we had zipped in and parked quickly. As we navigated the crowded space – I began to feel claustrophobic and was on the verge of suggesting we just go home. The other interesting observation was that we began to notice people pulling home made signs and posters out of their cars – like the were preparing for a protest. hmmm….. I could feel my imagined happy, peace filled date with my husband slipping away.

Protest it was.

After one more swoop around the block and the discovery of another entrance to a higher level of the parking garage with plenty of open spaces we parked and headed out. We continued to see a few people with their signs. Again ….Hmm…. My husband said he had wondered if this …

what? a protest?

would happen.

Really?

COUCH STORE

I’ve been thinking about couches. I love the L shaped versions I often see in Costco and I have occasionally been drawn in to the commercials showing sectionals that can be reconfigured with covers that are machine washable and are guaranteed to last 100 years. As we rounded the corner after exiting the parking garage, we saw it. The couch store. It was full of cozy seating and the softest pillows. In we went. The sales woman was lovely. A recent college grad and new to the KC area. She was moonlighting at the couch store and her full time job was with the Army Core of Engineers. She did a great job. She knew her product and knew how to meet us where we were. There was relaxing, happy music playing. Just lovely. She asked if we wanted to snuggle in to one of the display couches and watch a 3 minute video that would share a special feature of the higher end versions that included surround sound. Of course!

About 30 seconds into the infomercial -the distraction started. It began as an occasional voice yelling and then turned into unified chants. The sign carriers we had seen in the parking garage had gathered with hundreds of others to express their disdain. They were clear on where they stood and what they believed. Many signs were filled with explitives fueled by anger. We attempted to focus on the video and the comfy couch but our heads kept turning to the march happening right outside the store windows – just 20 feet away.

The contrast was obvious, and strange and a bit awkward. Do we stop watching the video and pull up a few more sectionals and process what felt like crazy with the 3 sales people that were standing between us and the window? Looking back – I kind of wish we would have. After the video completed and we stood up to leave – I said “I kind of want to hang out with you guys for a little while.” To which the african american male said – you are welcome to stay as long as you like.” Not in a “Please stay so we can sell you something” but in a “yea, this is weird and I wouldn’t want to go out in that either.”

MIDDLE GROUND

Here’s where I confess my limited knowledge of world events. I don’t want to live with my head in the sand but I also am not a fan of news media ( no matter the angle) that use fear to induce anxiety with the attempt to keep me locked in – so I don’t miss out. I hate it. I depend on Tom to keep me in the loop. He explained how recent events in another city in another state may have provoked people in our city and state to express their feelings.

Does it matter what it was? – nope.

By the time I post this – there will most likely have been another event and another protest. It appears that is the way we roll. No middle ground – just people living in their bubbles – focusing on one point of view and then when someone infringes on it we yell at all other bubbles – with the desire to….

and this is my question – what is the desire? The hoped for outcome?

Im thankful we live in a country where we have the right to express out beliefs. The group that marched down the heart of Kansas City was peaceful ( for the most part) and had taken the legal steps needed to shut down the street for an hour. As we left the store we found ourselves walking in the opposite direction of the march. I made eye contact with a few – hesitant smiles and head nods. But gosh … I was struck with the emptiness that comes when there is an obvious elephant in the room and there isn’t a table to sit at to begin eating it…

one

bite

at a time.

The very next day our church community gathered for fellowship over the best potluck ( our church kills pot luck) and conversation. We heard from our volunteer leaders and the work they had been doing to further the mission of sharing Christ with our little part of the world. We had opportunity to ask questions and share perspectives. These occasions, also known as Voters meeting, are filled with lots of opinions, voices wanting to be heard , all believing their way is right…. and most likely – everyone having valid reasons to feel the way they do.

Where is the middle ground? Where is the table? How do you lead a large group to desire to understand each other, more importantly – understand God. Where is HE working? Where does HE want us to join him?

MY TABLES

In my 22 years of working as a consultant for a major skin care and cosmetic company I have learned the beauty and the power of the kitchen table. The kitchen is where people spend the most time, its where the most beautiful and the most challenging conversations are had. I have memories of lingering around tables after dinner – connecting and processing the events of the day. My in laws were pros at this. When I met them they were retired – so in a season where the rush of life was gone. My husband tells me the after dinner linger was actually something that they always did.

I have memories of storming away from the dinner table as a teen – frustrated with the decisions my parents had made about something I wanted to do.

We get real in the kitchen.

So, when a recent new potential client offered to just “Shop off my website – so I would not need to make the long drive – to sit at her kitchen table….” I replied – oh I absolutely want to come to you. It’s what I do! Our company believes in letting people experience the products before ever making a purchase. We want to be confident that you are totally happy and meeting in person helps me to best connect you to your perfect routine. All I need is access to water and a kitchen table.

A table,

in the kitchen.

Nothing fancy.

Please remove the festive centerpiece – I will need space for my product demos, space to take notes on you, your skin,

your life.

The kitchen – the space where food is prepared – from Joanna Gaines veggie lasagna that requires 27 steps and focused attention to each detail to a quick frozen pizza thrown in the oven at the end of a busy day. This room holds the place where we are reminded we are not immortal, we need regular sustenance to keep going. The table shouts out a call to pause, to sit, to recharge in order to move forward.

⁹For he satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things. Psalm 107

Tom and I love sports – and when an exciting game is on – we will eat on the couch. Often its on pizza nights. It’s a fun shift from the ordinary. It also takes us away from the connection as we turn our focus to a game we wont remember a week later – maybe as a way to avoid the yuck of the day, of life… as we drift away from the table.

But the table.

This week my seats at kitchen tables opened up conversation with a ‘new to our town’ , young newlywed. She shared her excitement for the next year of her life when she and her husband will host an Italian exchange student.

I learned about another young mom that recently lost a baby,

and a 75 year old cancer survivor that is now permanently on oxygen because of a trial drug experiment gone bad.

I learned about the excitement of a single woman heading off on a new adventure with a move across the country.

I learned from an 81 year old man that losing part of his driving privileges is hard – a bright light shown on the reality that we cant stop aging, or change – no matter what the season we are in.

As I get to know more about the people I spent time with this week, around kitchen tables, I imagine I will discover things with which we don’t agree. If I stay curious I may gain important perspectives that I may not have had if I stayed walking in the opposite direction of those that think differently and never stopped to pull up a seat at table. Knee to knee, eye ball …..

to actual eye ball.

Tell me more.

UNEXPECTED TABLES

As Tom and I continued our walk feeling like fish swimming up stream , we began looking for a restroom. We needed a quick stop before we headed home.

The sign said, “Welcome, come on in, restroom available.” It had the name of a bank – but it didn’t look like one. It had tables, and a coffee bar and a couple of conference rooms. When the physical warmth of the cozy space hit our faces we were greeted by a kind young man letting use know we were welcome and please let him know how he could serve us. We walked up to the coffee bar that had a display of sweet treats. When asked how they could help – Tom replied “I’d like something sweet but not sure what it is.”

Well… why don’t you let us share some macroons, for free. Which flavor would you like?”

We accepted the treats and wandered around what we now understand is a most brilliant marketing strategy by a bank – The Capital One Cafe. Make people feel safe and seen and heard. Train the staff to not push, just meet felt needs and be ready when there is curiosity about the whys of the space. We used the restroom, sat at one of the comfortable tables. We never felt like we were intruding or that someone wanted us to do something. There was no requirement to use the restroom like another store that only let you in to the restroom if you had a code found on the bottom of your receipt… after your purchased something. It would have been the perfect space to invite one of the marchers in to learn more about the fire that fueled their passion to make a sign, bundle up for a walk down a closed off street on a cold and blustery January Saturday.

The whole 1 hour drive home I couldn’t stop thinking about the contrast between the couch store, the cafe and the protest march. I realized that what I really wanted or what would have been really amazing was if there was space big enough for the marchers and the shoppers in stores lining the streets to gather, together.

A place filled with small tables, free maccroons , accessible restrooms. A place that encouraged conversation and sharing and hopefully hearts curious and open to learn. And when I started to feel overwhelmed by the feeling that the gaps in our world – in

every

single

sector

are just too big, to actually accomplish what my heart was yearning for…

I felt the Lord say…

Start with your table, your family, your neighbors. He reminded me of the tables with which I had sat and the things he had revealed. He said start there, with the people God brings across your path that you may initially dismiss because of the clear differences you may have.

Because of…

The sign in their yard.

The church the do or do not attend.

The identity they chose.

The music they listen too.

The books they read.

The clothes they wear.

The things they post on social media.

The food they eat.

They ways they discipline their children.

It’s hard right? But it’s not impossible.

One table, with 2 chairs and 2 open hearts and minds.

Lord draw us close to you.

Lord draw us close to those we love

and those we do not.

Restore our land.

The Beatitudes

Matthew 5:3-10

³“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him,^[a]
    for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
⁴God blesses those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵God blesses those who are humble,
    for they will inherit the whole earth.
⁶God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice,^[b]
    for they will be satisfied.
⁷God blesses those who are merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
    for they will see God.
⁹God blesses those who work for peace,
    for they will be called the children of God.
¹⁰God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right,
    for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

When vacations are Hard: Part 1

John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. note: Trust: the antidote for a troubled heart

I am strong.

I know I am strong because since Jan of 2022 I have worked to get strong. Five days a week, without fail I have committed to a strength training program that works all areas of my body. I have not felt this strong and healthy since my high school days. I began my program the same month I began radiation treatments for breast cancer. It was one of the ways I chose to prove to myself that cancer would not stop me – physically or emotionally. Showing up each day to lift what started as soup cans and now are actual weights felt important. Later that year when care for my ailing mom required physical strength I was thankful for the preparation this program had provided.

(Side note to all my pre and menopausal friends. I have read research after research that suggests that strength training is critical in this season. It helps us endure the side effects of and prepares us for vibrant living in our later years. Strong over Skinny is the mantra I repeat every day. )

So my wobbly, no let me re phrase – my uncontrollable shaking legs that simply could not hold my body weight was a complete shock to my systems – both physically and mentally. I had been strength training for 18 months… what was going on? I panicked when I realized I didn’t have what it would take to keep moving forward. I would need to depend on my upper body strength. Despite the months of lifting, my legs that have always been the strongest part of my body, were now totally letting me down. My brain raced with reasons for the shaking weakness in my lower limbs.

Muscle fatigue? Nope – I hadn’t even worked out that day

Injury from past workouts? Nope – I woke up that morning feeling strong and energetic.

Not enough sleep? Again no. Plenty of rest, plenty of breakfast, plenty of hydration.

What.

Was

Going on?

The funny thing about the frightening situation I found myself in was that it was all my idea.

Lets rewind a bit.

Earlier this month our family embarked on one of our favorite events – the Lange Family Reunion. It is a week filled with lots of immediate and extended family time. We play games, we eat good food, we engage in meaningful conversation and we play.

And by play I mean serious, work your body, feel it in every muscle at the end of the day play. We usually pick our location for these reunions near a National Park which provide places to hike, white water raft, horse back ride and this year was no different. Our spot was a beautiful resort called Snow Mountain Ranch near Granby, CO on the outskirts of Rocky Mountain National Park. The ranch was full of so many fun activities like summer tubing down a mountain, archery, putt putt golf, playgrounds, a rec center with volleyball and basketball courts and roller skating. Out door tennis and pickle ball courts surrounded by a view of mountains. It was extra glorious because we were blessed with perfect weather. It was one of these many events that our immediate family was experiencing when my strength suddenly left my body and all my squats and lunges and dead lifts appeared to be for naught.

High Ropes Course

I’d never done a high ropes course before and was delighted when I saw it as an activity option at the ranch. My husband, adult children and son in law were all game. A quick stop in the program office to schedule our spot for the next day and we were set for what I just knew would be a fun family bonding experience. I began to imagine the beauty of being high in the trees and looking around at the gorgeous sites this view would provide. I imagined a trail of extension bridges – slatted, wood steps creating swinging bridges with a rope handle on each side. I imagined it would be a little scary but nothing that caused concern. Like I mentioned earlier, the night before I slept soundly – excited for what the next day would bring.

When we arrived at the High Ropes Course location we were greeted by friendly staff. They were young and fun college students enjoying what I would consider a pretty amazing summer job in the mountains. We were a bit early so we threw a frisbee around in the parking lot before we could begin our session. When we were told it was time to begin I was a bit surprised when we were given instructions to enter the Yurt so we could suit up in our helmet and climbing gear before we headed to Ropes School.

No where in my imagination was I wearing a helmet, or climbing gear. Nor did I need “Ropes School.” How hard could it be to walk across the hanging bridge trail I had pictured in my mind? I would not need to be strapped into harnesses and helmets and I certainly knew how to walk across a bridge.

Ah…but this is where I began to understand that what I would be encountering was very different from what I had imagined in my mind. I was needing to pay attention to my Ropes instructor because I had to learn how to lock and unlock myself from safety wires to prepare for the possible event of falling off the ropes course. Locking in to the wires would ensure I would never fall to the ground and could never get seriously hurt.

What the what?

Fall to the ground?

This was all beginning to feel, well…

Hard.

Now – I am not afraid of a good challenge. I actually thrive when I see something difficult and am asked to figure out a solution. As an entrepreneur I spend a good amount of time problem solving difficult situations in my day to day life.

This .

This was starting to feel a bit more then I wanted to experience on a family vacation – where rest was needed especially after a particularly challenging personal year. But, on I went..

There were 3 choices of trails on this ropes course ( just three weeks new – Tom’s cousin said – that’s not enough time to know if the bolts will hold:). The trails all started at the same base and all connected to make it “easy” to experience them all. I knew, without a doubt, that I would be starting on the easy course. My three children and son in law skipped right over and moved to the medium and hard courses and I expected my husband to do the same.

Yet,

As I moved to the start of the course marked easy, I heard my husband say, ” I’ll go with mom.”

God bless him.

It is here in the story – the very first step onto the very first leg of the easy trail of this High Ropes “Challenge” Course ( I am certain I missed the word challenge when I read the description in the activities brochure) that I experienced something for the first time in my life…

The effects of fear on the physical functions of my body in an overwhelming way – like lost control.

The first step was on to a moving piece of 2 X 4 about 3 feet long and 20 feet high. It was attached by ropes to a wire hanging about my head and it moved – which means it was not stable. Each step would require me to step into the middle of the board so it would not tip forward. The trail was made up of these disconnected boards that lead me to a platform around 30 feet away.

I took a deep breath stepped out on to the very unstable board and immediately – and I mean “right now” – experienced the shaking legs as well as increased heart rate and shortness of breath. I was so confused. As I’ve already established I am strong and I was rested and fueled. In what felt like hours but was most likely seconds my brain shouted the words…

“Beth, you are terrified”

And I was.

I actually find myself tearing up as I type these words – in the same way I wanted to when I was in the middle of what felt like the hardest physical challenge I had ever experience in my life. My breaths were short and labored as I made my way across the trail. Tom was shouting encouraging words and I felt the very real battle of my mind over my body. I knew I had to pull it together or I would indeed fall. When I reached the end of the first leg of the trail stepping on to the platform that connected me to the next leg (Good lord how many of these segments were there?) I literally hugged the pole that held the platform, willing myself not to cry but instead take deep calming breaths. My legs continued to shake as I contemplated what had just happened.

My husband, wise man that he is having been married to me for 31 years, paused before he offered his thoughts. Now, in those 31 years of marriage I have not always been open to what he had to say ( think golf tips) but in this moment I was all ears. What I know about fear is that is creates a tunnel vision for those that are experiencing it. It becomes incredibly difficult to problem solve and decisions can be sporadic and sometimes dangerous.

“Beth – your not trusting the course. You are using all upper body strength to pull your self over and you are all hunched down making you less stable, more prone to shaking. You are not using your legs in a way that can create stability.”

I had no idea I was hunched over.

I had no idea that I was not trusting the course. I needed him to expand my vision.

I needed a voice of truth from outside my head to speak what I needed to hear. In my shaky legs, short breath self – I was unable to get myself to where I needed to go.

Ever been there?

You’ve found yourself in a situation that you have walked into willingly or one that has caught you by surprise and life suddenly becomes a batch of quicksand with which you cannot get out. Or a high ropes challenge course that has no end?

As I chatted with my son in law after successfully completing the course with less shaky legs and much deeper breaths I was sharing with him the lessons I felt I had learned. He commented that he too recognized the need for faithful friends to point us to truth in times he was stuck in a messy, overwhelming sometimes terrifying middle. We were not designed to walk this life alone. Introvert or Extrovert – we need each other.

There were so many lessons I learned that day:

Fear shows up in all manner of ways. In an appropriate dose it can keep us focused on the challenge at hand.
Fear does not get to drive. When it becomes all consuming we may need an outside voice sharing truth about what is happening in our lives that we cant see ourselves.
Keep friends in your life that are willing to speak truth in love. I 100% needed Toms perspective.
Hard things are the training ground for future hard things. I will never forget the lessons I learned on that high ropes course.

There is a verse I often found troubling when it comes to the navigating fear and anxiousness. Paul tells us in Philippians 4 to not be anxious about anything. How do you do that when your body is physically shutting down due to fear presenting in weak muscles and shortness of breath? A wise friend pointed out years ago the important 4 words preceding the command ‘ to be anxious for nothing.’

THE

LORD

NEAR.

The Lord is near.

Philippians 4:5-6 Let your gentleness be evident to all. THE LORD IS NEAR. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I love this reminder that we can indeed drop our fears and our anxieties not on our own power but because we can trust that the Lord is near, always. It starts with that truth. And it often starts with someone else reminding me of it. The faster I can recognize that I am stuck in an emotion and my vision is narrow, the faster I can open my heart to the truth from someone outside of me.

The friendly young man that taught our Ropes Course and then guided us through our experience shared that he was terrified of heights when he took the job. He wanted to work in the mountains and the high ropes course was the only opening. When his boss asked if he was afraid of heights he said, ‘Yea, I can do heights.’ He never said he was not afraid. He focused on what he determined he would learn to do. I asked how he worked through the fear when he told me that he currently loved the course and ran all over it all day. ( look at my pictures – can you imagine running it?) He said -” I just kept getting up. I started with the easy and just kept going.” I knew why he was such a good instructor and such patient encourager – he had been there. When he saw fear in someone he knew exactly what was going on in their bodies, their hearts and their minds.

What I didn’t know on the day I learned my high ropes lessons is that it was actually preparation for things to come. Maybe the scary situation you are in today is training ground for what God needs you to know for your future self or someone you love. It was certainly true for me.

And it would take exactly 24 hours to prove itself true.

I am so grateful that Tom chose to follow me on my easy high ropes path. Im so grateful he was near. Im so grateful I was close enough so I could hear his voice. But what do I do when he is not?

That story is for another day.

For Ed

“I remember my afflictions and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall I will remember them and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have HOPE, because of the Lord’s great love we are NOT consumed for HIS compassion never fails. They are NEW every morning – Great is your faithfulness. I say to myself “The Lord is my portion therefore I will wait for him, to the one who seeks him it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. ” Lamentation 3:21-25

” I did her funeral.”

To the untrained ear – these words could feel an odd answer to the question – “Did we live here when his wife passed?” Unless your husband is an ordained pastor. Then its 100% normal and 100% the answer I got yesterday when I asked my husband this question after leaving a visit…

with our friend Ed.

It’s been almost four months since I opened this blog. It’s been almost four months since I’ve even attempted to write any words of any length on any subject. And not coincidentally It’s been almost four months since I said my earthly goodbyes to my mom.

It appears that entering in to this space that has been a sanctuary for processing life and God’s word and how the two intersect did not feel as safe as it used too. The ideas that once stirred in my mind while walking the streets of my little town or blow drying my hair just seemed to stop. The traumatic months that ended in my moms passing last December seemed to sap the energy from my tending to lots of responsibilities … cleaning the bathroom, making a meal that didn’t come pre packaged and pausing long enough to welcome the gift that I feel I have received so many times .. the gift of story, the gift of insight, the gift of hope that came tumbling out of my heart and mind in the form of words.

One might describe this as a word drought.

Drought:

a period of drier-than-normal conditions. It can last for days, months or years.
A prolonged absence of a specified thing.

We are all too familiar with “drought” living in a once drought laden part of the country. Our home is in the middle of farm land that people we know and love depend on for their livelihood. As I sit at my kitchen table pounding away at my keyboard I can look out and see land farmed by 3 different farmers. The first patch – It’s Strobel land. The second – Oetting and then in the distance are 2 navy blue silos -representing the third family – and the friend we visited yesterday…Ed.

All of this land including the blue silos have been the most photographed piece of landscape in my phone since the summer of 2017 – the year we took ownership of our Sweet Sandia home. Since that time we have enjoyed not only the beauty of all the seasons of farmland but getting to know each of the families that care for this piece of God’s creation. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t thank God for the gift of this home and the way he reminds me of his goodness with each morning sunrise over farmland. And today… it is the blue silos and our friend Ed… that have pulled me out of my silence. The words… and today the tears… are coming.

My husband has known Ed for over 30 years. Tom knew him first as the father of Jenny – a high school classmate. Tom also knew Ed as one of the men that fought to keep his high school open many years ago when it was on the verge of closing. It’s such a cool story. I asked him to repeat it yesterday when we were visiting. It just never gets old. I met Ed for the first time 8 years ago when we moved here. He was kind and quiet. He would engage in conversation after Sunday morning bible class. On Thursday mornings I would often see Ed going to the weekly mens gathering held on our high school campus and also on my running route. In the most unexpected ways… he became one of my biggest cheerleaders.

It was on one of these early morning runs that Ed first told me how he felt about my blog. I saw Ed leaving his car and heading to the dining hall stairs on my loop around the high school quad when he motioned me to stop. Unbeknownst to me he had been reading my then weekly posts and had read my latest that may have even dropped that morning. After I pulled out my earbuds I paused and he looked me in the eye and said, “Don’t stop. Don’t stop writing. Your words are really important.” Over the years since that morning Ed has reminded me of how something I have written has impacted him. His genuine interest is often what moved me to open my computer and write.

In the fall of 2022 when I was diagnosed with breast Cancer, Ed took on the role of a different form of cheerleader. Ed offered support and kind words that came from a place of knowing. Not only was he a personal cancer survivor but the ugly disease took his wife years before. It was one of the many funerals my husband performed the first year we lived in our little town and he was filling in as a vacancy pastor. It is this very same disease that prompted our visit with Ed yesterday.

Ed’s cancer is back.

Hospice has been called and his daughter Jenny posted on facebook that despite being tired and weak, Ed welcomed visitors and was ready to receive them. There was no question that a visit to Ed was top priority on our list of Saturday activities. We had hoped that our visit would bring him joy and a distraction to the pain he is experiencing but in true Ed form- he was the one that did the encouraging.

As we entered Ed’s room in our local nursing home we were greeted with the welcome smile of his daughter followed by the bright eyes of Ed. He reached out his hand to offer a firm hand shake and invited us to have a seat. He cut straight to the truth of his situation. The Non- Hodgkin’s Lymphoma that has returned is aggressive and the treatment brutal. His first bought with cancer was 9 years ago and he said Doctors have been surprised at all the life he has been gifted to live. Now, with the all the confidence and peace in the world Ed says,

“I’m ready.”

Ready to go home.

To heaven.

To Jesus.

We spoke for several minutes about the details of this diagnosis and then entered into an hour of lovely conversation about past memories from Ed’s life and our small town. Ed asked for updates on the high school ( the one he fought to keep open, the one from which Tom and 2 of our children graduated and the one where Tom currently teaches. SPLHS is pretty significant to all of us!). We talked weather. We talked about his blue silos I see every time I look over my backyard. Ed asked about my work – he has always asked about my work with a genuine interest in understanding what I do.

It was light.

It was easy.

It was unburdened.

It was the kind of conversation you can have with someone at peace. Someone confident in who they are and where they are going.

Deadlines are funny things. They have the power to move us into action or in this case move me out of a drought. When Ed stopped me in the middle of my run years ago and he said those words… ” Don’t stop writing” I made him a promise. I promised him I wouldn’t stop. I promised him I would keep listening to the words God gave me and put them down on paper.

So Ed – this one is for you. The one that spoke the words I would need to remember when I thought the words had stopped. The one that showed me peace in the midst of your final days. The one that is displaying confidence in the hope we can have in Jesus. The passing of my mom just about did me in, or at least this blog. Ed, it is the anticipation of your passing that has pulled me out. Your friendship has been such a gift. Your authentic interest in my life, my families and my words are more precious than you can know.

For everyone else…I hope that if you are reading this you too have an Ed in your life. Someone that takes time to ask questions and share encouragement.

Hmm… or maybe …..

you are the Ed……

that someone is waiting for.