Tag: faith

Kitchen Tables

DATE DAY

If you time it right you can get right in. A seat at the table of our favorite Kansas City BBQ restaurant. If you time it wrong you are in for at least an hour wait. Its always worth it – the food is amazing. But if we have the option of eating in an off hour with less wait time – we will take it. Although we love Q39 BBQ- I had originally wanted to spend our date night at a beautiful restaurant overlooking the Missouri River. We discovered it in fall of 2020. It was one of our first excursious out of town in the after mast of covid. It was delightful. Delicious food. Good Missouri wine. I was so excited to go back – it had been too long.

I was disappointed when the web site informed me that it had transitioned to an EVENT ONLY establishment. “Host your college reunion, wedding reception, birthday party”. How about dinner for 2 celebrating making it through another year?

I just wanted a quiet seat, at a quiet table in a lovely restaurant to reconnect with my husband.

Plan B:

Lovely dinner – got right in. Burnt ends burger. A little disappointing – truffle fries off the menu. Semi delicious mock tail. And then we were off.

When I had envisioned our time in the city – I imagined a delicious meal and then a browse around The KC Plaza area. Our drive to the plaza took us through a beautiful neighborhood with winding, hilly streets with homes that look like they sprung up from the limestone bedrock soil – for which this part of the world is famous. (Fun Fact: KC is often called the Limestone Belt) . It was a clear, sunny afternoon in the mid 40’s. Really perfect for window shopping and an occasional peak inside those stores that were calling our name.

Our usual parking garage was a buz (tranlsation – packed with impatient drivers) activity. In the past we had zipped in and parked quickly. As we navigated the crowded space – I began to feel claustrophobic and was on the verge of suggesting we just go home. The other interesting observation was that we began to notice people pulling home made signs and posters out of their cars – like the were preparing for a protest. hmmm….. I could feel my imagined happy, peace filled date with my husband slipping away.

Protest it was.

After one more swoop around the block and the discovery of another entrance to a higher level of the parking garage with plenty of open spaces we parked and headed out. We continued to see a few people with their signs. Again ….Hmm…. My husband said he had wondered if this …

what? a protest?

would happen.

Really?

COUCH STORE

I’ve been thinking about couches. I love the L shaped versions I often see in Costco and I have occasionally been drawn in to the commercials showing sectionals that can be reconfigured with covers that are machine washable and are guaranteed to last 100 years. As we rounded the corner after exiting the parking garage, we saw it. The couch store. It was full of cozy seating and the softest pillows. In we went. The sales woman was lovely. A recent college grad and new to the KC area. She was moonlighting at the couch store and her full time job was with the Army Core of Engineers. She did a great job. She knew her product and knew how to meet us where we were. There was relaxing, happy music playing. Just lovely. She asked if we wanted to snuggle in to one of the display couches and watch a 3 minute video that would share a special feature of the higher end versions that included surround sound. Of course!

About 30 seconds into the infomercial -the distraction started. It began as an occasional voice yelling and then turned into unified chants. The sign carriers we had seen in the parking garage had gathered with hundreds of others to express their disdain. They were clear on where they stood and what they believed. Many signs were filled with explitives fueled by anger. We attempted to focus on the video and the comfy couch but our heads kept turning to the march happening right outside the store windows – just 20 feet away.

The contrast was obvious, and strange and a bit awkward. Do we stop watching the video and pull up a few more sectionals and process what felt like crazy with the 3 sales people that were standing between us and the window? Looking back – I kind of wish we would have. After the video completed and we stood up to leave – I said “I kind of want to hang out with you guys for a little while.” To which the african american male said – you are welcome to stay as long as you like.” Not in a “Please stay so we can sell you something” but in a “yea, this is weird and I wouldn’t want to go out in that either.”

MIDDLE GROUND

Here’s where I confess my limited knowledge of world events. I don’t want to live with my head in the sand but I also am not a fan of news media ( no matter the angle) that use fear to induce anxiety with the attempt to keep me locked in – so I don’t miss out. I hate it. I depend on Tom to keep me in the loop. He explained how recent events in another city in another state may have provoked people in our city and state to express their feelings.

Does it matter what it was? – nope.

By the time I post this – there will most likely have been another event and another protest. It appears that is the way we roll. No middle ground – just people living in their bubbles – focusing on one point of view and then when someone infringes on it we yell at all other bubbles – with the desire to….

and this is my question – what is the desire? The hoped for outcome?

Im thankful we live in a country where we have the right to express out beliefs. The group that marched down the heart of Kansas City was peaceful ( for the most part) and had taken the legal steps needed to shut down the street for an hour. As we left the store we found ourselves walking in the opposite direction of the march. I made eye contact with a few – hesitant smiles and head nods. But gosh … I was struck with the emptiness that comes when there is an obvious elephant in the room and there isn’t a table to sit at to begin eating it…

one

bite

at a time.

The very next day our church community gathered for fellowship over the best potluck ( our church kills pot luck) and conversation. We heard from our volunteer leaders and the work they had been doing to further the mission of sharing Christ with our little part of the world. We had opportunity to ask questions and share perspectives. These occasions, also known as Voters meeting, are filled with lots of opinions, voices wanting to be heard , all believing their way is right…. and most likely – everyone having valid reasons to feel the way they do.

Where is the middle ground? Where is the table? How do you lead a large group to desire to understand each other, more importantly – understand God. Where is HE working? Where does HE want us to join him?

MY TABLES

In my 22 years of working as a consultant for a major skin care and cosmetic company I have learned the beauty and the power of the kitchen table. The kitchen is where people spend the most time, its where the most beautiful and the most challenging conversations are had. I have memories of lingering around tables after dinner – connecting and processing the events of the day. My in laws were pros at this. When I met them they were retired – so in a season where the rush of life was gone. My husband tells me the after dinner linger was actually something that they always did.

I have memories of storming away from the dinner table as a teen – frustrated with the decisions my parents had made about something I wanted to do.

We get real in the kitchen.

So, when a recent new potential client offered to just “Shop off my website – so I would not need to make the long drive – to sit at her kitchen table….” I replied – oh I absolutely want to come to you. It’s what I do! Our company believes in letting people experience the products before ever making a purchase. We want to be confident that you are totally happy and meeting in person helps me to best connect you to your perfect routine. All I need is access to water and a kitchen table.

A table,

in the kitchen.

Nothing fancy.

Please remove the festive centerpiece – I will need space for my product demos, space to take notes on you, your skin,

your life.

The kitchen – the space where food is prepared – from Joanna Gaines veggie lasagna that requires 27 steps and focused attention to each detail to a quick frozen pizza thrown in the oven at the end of a busy day. This room holds the place where we are reminded we are not immortal, we need regular sustenance to keep going. The table shouts out a call to pause, to sit, to recharge in order to move forward.

9 For he satisfies the thirsty
    and fills the hungry with good things. Psalm 107

Tom and I love sports – and when an exciting game is on – we will eat on the couch. Often its on pizza nights. It’s a fun shift from the ordinary. It also takes us away from the connection as we turn our focus to a game we wont remember a week later – maybe as a way to avoid the yuck of the day, of life… as we drift away from the table.

But the table.

This week my seats at kitchen tables opened up conversation with a ‘new to our town’ , young newlywed. She shared her excitement for the next year of her life when she and her husband will host an Italian exchange student.

I learned about another young mom that recently lost a baby,

and a 75 year old cancer survivor that is now permanently on oxygen because of a trial drug experiment gone bad.

I learned about the excitement of a single woman heading off on a new adventure with a move across the country.

I learned from an 81 year old man that losing part of his driving privileges is hard – a bright light shown on the reality that we cant stop aging, or change – no matter what the season we are in.

As I get to know more about the people I spent time with this week, around kitchen tables, I imagine I will discover things with which we don’t agree. If I stay curious I may gain important perspectives that I may not have had if I stayed walking in the opposite direction of those that think differently and never stopped to pull up a seat at table. Knee to knee, eye ball …..

to actual eye ball.

Tell me more.

UNEXPECTED TABLES

As Tom and I continued our walk feeling like fish swimming up stream , we began looking for a restroom. We needed a quick stop before we headed home.

The sign said, “Welcome, come on in, restroom available.” It had the name of a bank – but it didn’t look like one. It had tables, and a coffee bar and a couple of conference rooms. When the physical warmth of the cozy space hit our faces we were greeted by a kind young man letting use know we were welcome and please let him know how he could serve us. We walked up to the coffee bar that had a display of sweet treats. When asked how they could help – Tom replied “I’d like something sweet but not sure what it is.”

Well… why don’t you let us share some macroons, for free. Which flavor would you like?”

We accepted the treats and wandered around what we now understand is a most brilliant marketing strategy by a bank – The Capital One Cafe. Make people feel safe and seen and heard. Train the staff to not push, just meet felt needs and be ready when there is curiosity about the whys of the space. We used the restroom, sat at one of the comfortable tables. We never felt like we were intruding or that someone wanted us to do something. There was no requirement to use the restroom like another store that only let you in to the restroom if you had a code found on the bottom of your receipt… after your purchased something. It would have been the perfect space to invite one of the marchers in to learn more about the fire that fueled their passion to make a sign, bundle up for a walk down a closed off street on a cold and blustery January Saturday.

The whole 1 hour drive home I couldn’t stop thinking about the contrast between the couch store, the cafe and the protest march. I realized that what I really wanted or what would have been really amazing was if there was space big enough for the marchers and the shoppers in stores lining the streets to gather, together.

A place filled with small tables, free maccroons , accessible restrooms. A place that encouraged conversation and sharing and hopefully hearts curious and open to learn. And when I started to feel overwhelmed by the feeling that the gaps in our world – in

every

single

sector

are just too big, to actually accomplish what my heart was yearning for…

I felt the Lord say…

Start with your table, your family, your neighbors. He reminded me of the tables with which I had sat and the things he had revealed. He said start there, with the people God brings across your path that you may initially dismiss because of the clear differences you may have.

Because of…

The sign in their yard.

The church the do or do not attend.

The identity they chose.

The music they listen too.

The books they read.

The clothes they wear.

The things they post on social media.

The food they eat.

They ways they discipline their children.

It’s hard right? But it’s not impossible.

One table, with 2 chairs and 2 open hearts and minds.

Lord draw us close to you.

Lord draw us close to those we love

and those we do not.

Restore our land.

The Beatitudes

Matthew 5:3-10

3 “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him,[a]
    for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
4 God blesses those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
5 God blesses those who are humble,
    for they will inherit the whole earth.
6 God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice,[b]
    for they will be satisfied.
7 God blesses those who are merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
8 God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
    for they will see God.
9 God blesses those who work for peace,
    for they will be called the children of God.
10 God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right,
    for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

FALL RISK

It was the foggiest Christmas season I can remember. Not spotty fog that burns off by mid morning, but thick, dense, suffocating fog that lingers from sun up to sun down. Days of it.

Days,

and Days….

and Days.

A fog that makes one think – it cannot possibly be this dark tomorrow. And then it is, again and again and again.

On New Years Eve – after what felt like a month of fogginess – the thick clouds finally lifted. The sun shown, the blue sky danced and you could feel a shift in the energy in the air and in our Vitamin D deprived souls. So when I snuggled into bed at 9 pm (my normal New Years eve bedtime, lets be clear – my normal- every night bedtime). I had the fleeting thought that this new blue sky trend must continue.

New Year – New Sky.

Fresh visions, renewed hope for a better future. Desire to do more. Resolves for stronger habits – deeper convictions.

All.

The.

Things.

And then I woke up and it was back, denser than before.

The fog in the air, and if I am honest – some of the fog in my soul.

What the what?

Despite it being an actual New YEAR – what do you do when everything still feels the same? When the flip of the calendar is just that – a flip of the calendar. Everything else, the circumstances, the realities, the dirty dishes in this sink and laundry in the basket – still there.

What do we do when we want change so desperately and everything around us wants to dim our ability to see what we we thought was so clear?

I realized when I opened up this writing platform that I have 10 unfinished blogs spanning the last 1 1/2 years. The last completed blog was in the summer of 2024. There were several years where I wrote weekly and during Lent of 2020 I wrote and published something

every.

single.

day.

What happened?

Life has felt low key confusing verging of full out chaos. I know you can relate.

Chaos up – Writing down.

Ever dropped anything in your foggy seasons?

I know, because I listen and I watch. I see the lives of people I know and love in the midst of things they never thought possible. For many, 2025 was a year of deep hurt and overwhelming challenge.

Toward the end of December I was getting a steady stream of inspiring quotes to process and questions to answer as I prepared for a New Year. In the midst of the normal – “You can do it, its a fresh start, God is making all things new posts” I saw one that gave me pause.

It was not an encouragement to look forward but to pause and look back. In the long list of questions formatted as individual frames of an instagram post – there were two that stood out.

  1. Before you plan next year, spend one weekend asking yourself what actually drained you this year. ( most high achieving humans jump straight into next year’s goals without understanding the patterns that exhausted them.)
  2. List 10 unexpected gifts from this year, things you’re grateful for that you didn’t plan. (BRAINZ MAGAZINE)

In the midst of the actual fog blocking my backyard sunrise view and a cold that has taken control of my sinus cavities – making thinking difficult – it created the perfect opportunity to ponder these 2 things:

Things that drained

Unexpected Gifts

FALL RISK

First – Things that drain.

I made my list. I discovered there were several things that have been on the list for literal years. Things within my control. Things I didn’t feel I had the energy or ability to do anything about. – which I now realize was simply not true. Second – I discovered that there were some very real and hard things that had occurred. I allowed myself time to acknowledge both the difficulty of the circumstances and the reality that I was still alive. STILL ALIVE.

Written, honest words on a page staring back at you are powerful.

The fall season brought on a level of chaos I had not anticipated. I watched two women in my town lose spouses too soon. My body was reminding me daily of the need for a surgery that would need to wait until we walked through a “necessary spine surgery” for my dad. I would need to be available to him and then I could deal with my own stuff. This surgery that I was lead to believe would require 2 weeks of intense caregiving time turned in to 2 months. Full of multiple urgent phone calls – “your dad fell. He didn’t sleep” He will need to be in Rehab 3 weeks – not 3 days. Once home we were making regular trips to the ER. I spent hours in the ER, hours in the hospital when docs were trying to figure out what was going on. My sweet dad was struggling. I wanted him back and healthy. I wanted my mom -his wife- back and by his side. Hours with a Geriatric Pharmacist that seemed to give some good advice. We moved forward with tentative hope.

UNEXPECTED GIFTS

By the end of October things seemed fairly stable. My husband and I were able to attend a 3 day Spiritual Leadership Coaching workshop with some of my very best friends and their spouses. It provided time to process, to grow deeper in our understanding of how God wants to speak to us and others. These three days gave space to think new thoughts and bring some of the realities of my world into focus. I found myself crying out to God. I was so tired of feeling like I couldn’t make plans, have vision for a future. Life was so foggy, so many things were falling. I would take one step forward and feel like I would need to take 5 steps back. The risk of forward thinking was being smashed down by the weight of the fog and falls it seemed to fuel.

And then….

And then…. God spoke.

It was more – God reminded me. I love that when scripture comes to our mind , we can trust the Holy Spirit had something to do with it.

In John 14:26 Jesus says,

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

One of the questions we were asked at the Spiritual Leadership Coaching Workshop was – “What false vines are you connected to?” Where are you looking for peace that is not from God? Where are you spending your time? What thoughts dominate your mind? What beliefs are you holding tight to that are not from the true vine,Jesus, that we learn about in John 15.

God revealed his answer through an obscure story from the Old Testament. I had read it months ago ( shout out The Bible Recap reading plan). Obscure then but now God used it to break through the fog of discouragement that had settled in. He turned what felt like a whisper when I first read it into a shout from the mountain tops – straight to my fog covered heart.

The false vine I had been holding tight too, the mantra I was repeating over and over and over…

I can’t have vision or hope for the future in the midst of chaos. My life will always be one of survival – not thriving. I can’t think ahead – the circumstances are too daunting. Buckle up and settle in for a life of mediocrity that leave hope in the backseat.. maybe even kicked to the curb. I was tired and this vine felt very comfortable. Pass the remote… pour a glass of wine.

And then there came Elisha.

The account in 2 Kings 6 describes a challenging season in the lives of God’s people the Israelites. A prophet Elisha had been sent to share God’s truth to them and to their adversaries. And one king was ticked.

2 KINGS 6:9-20

9 The man of God ( Elisha) sent word to the king of Israel: “Beware of passing that place, because the Arameans are going down there.” 10 So the king of Israel checked on the place indicated by the man of God. Time and again Elisha warned the king, so that he was on his guard in such places.

11 This enraged the king of Aram. He summoned his officers and demanded of them, “Tell me! Which of us is on the side of the king of Israel?”

12 “None of us, my lord the king,” said one of his officers, “but Elisha, the prophet who is in Israel, tells the king of Israel the very words you speak in your bedroom.”

13 “Go, find out where he is,” the king ordered, “so I can send men and capture him.” The report came back: “He is in Dothan.” 14 Then he sent horses and chariots and a strong force there. They went by night and surrounded the city.

15 When the servant of Elisha got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked.

16 “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”

17 And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

18 As the enemy came down toward him, Elisha prayed to the Lord, “Strike this army with blindness.” So he struck them with blindness, as Elisha had asked.

19 Elisha told them, “This is not the road and this is not the city. Follow me, and I will lead you to the man you are looking for.” And he led them to Samaria.

20 After they entered the city, Elisha said, “Lord, open the eyes of these men so they can see.” Then the Lord opened their eyes and they looked, and there they were, inside Samaria.

We can have vision in chaos, focus in the fog…..

when our spiritual eyes are opened.

God showed up and showed off in the midst of possibly one of the most confusing times for the servant of Elisha. They were physically surrounded by their enemies. So dense ( like a fog that doesn’t lift) that hope was lost. What will we do!!!!

But Elisha..

But God….

the one who can give

focus in the fog

light in the darkness.

Vision in the Chaos

Hope for our future.

When the calendar turned from October to November – I just kept waiting for the week when I could rest. The only pre requisite was that I needed major surgery before that could happen. Before the world and I would know I

was not available.

For anyone.

I could

not

wait.

The Monday of the week of Thanksgiving I checked into surgery I was given 2 hospital bracelets.

One had printed my identity – Full name, birthdate.

Beth Lynn Lange

10/21/1970

One that indicated I was a FALL RISK. hmmm…. ironic – I thought. Hours of my life have been dedicated to putting out fires with my dad because of this identification.

And what I would learn 10 hours later…is that we all,

in every moment of our lives..

are at risk of falling.

My doctor tells me now that I was on his – super simple, low challenge, low risk, easy peasy surgery list for his day in the operating room. He now tells me the actual surgery was quick, shorter that expected, didn’t reveal any cancer,( PTL) removed the pesky and quite large fibroid, and all my reproductive organs. Everything looked great.

Until it wasn’t.

A series of unfortunate events starting with my bodies inability to totally wake up after surgery lead to foley bags inserted, stroke protocols called for when I couldn’t answer the questions I’d been asked a gazilion times: Name, Birthdate, where are you…..

I have memories of looking at Tom, he looked concerned, looking at my friend Allie, a nurse who works in the hospital where I was and stopped by to check in , trying to ask them what was going on. In my head I knew what I wanted to say but the words, gosh the words..

Just so hard to find the words.

Lots of lights, lots of doctors, rushing down a hallway, cat scan, “Beth you need to lay still”… “Oh yes I thought – I’ve done this before.” Back to my room.

Nurses all night long that wanted to know my name and my darn birthdate. Why? Why do you need to know? Are you planning a party for my next circle around the sun celebration? Why was this question so hard.

And then 7 a.m. came and the fog was gone. Just like that.

My body didn’t like the cocktail of anesthesia and post surgery pain meds. Once things had processed through my body – I was fine. Just fine.

Beth Lynn Lange

10/21/1970

I answered the nurse boldly, confidently.

And my dear husband who had spent the night on the hard hospital room couch proclaimed,

“She’s back.”

When I think back on those approx 16 hours of crazy.. I do not remember feeling afraid.. I just wondered how long this fog would last?

Isn’t that what we want to know when the fog feels thick – Lord how long?

How long will feel I this way,

How long, How long, how long.

And the Lord answers – I’m here.

No time frame, no schedule of events, no programs with all the acts of our lives formatted perfectly where you can see the beginning, middle and end all at one time.

Just the promise.. I’m here. Immanual – God with us.

He brings light to our darkness, our fog, our confusion, our despair… its what he does. Its what he did… from the first day he created the world,

Genesis 1:1-2

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

To the light he used to lead his people through the dessert, Exodus 13:21

By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.

And when he sent his son in flesh as the light that came into to world to redeem and restore all that has been lost.

John 8:15

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Things that drain,

Unexpected gifts.

I found my lists beginning to dance together. It was in the draining seasons where I experienced so many unexpected gifts. Gods people encouraging, Gods timing opening up small pockets to enjoy the delights of life, God giving strength and answers I simply did not have. Mourning would turn to dancing would turn to mourning and spin back around to dancing. The Lord used both lists to bring me good and Him glory.

He can and he does give Vision in our Chaos. He will open our spiritual eyes to things beyond our understanding.

Sometimes shining enough light for one tiny step.

Sometimes giving clear, miles wide vision for our future.

His light ……in my fog,

your fog.

Lord,

open

our

eyes.

Amen.

2 Cor 4:4-12

 4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

When Vacations are Hard: Part 2 – The Scramble

Isaiah 42:16 AMP I will lead the blind by a way they do not know; I will guide them in paths that they do not know. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These things I will do ( for them) And I will not leave them abandoned or undone.

I began my day today at 4:30 a.m. and I feel good about it. I am all about early mornings, naturally waking up between 4:30-6 each day. To be clear, I am also in bed by 9:30 p.m. I love feeling like I get a jump on the day. I love my first sip of hot coffee. I love experiencing the sunrise across my backyard. I am indeed a morning person which does not explain why I was so loudly proclaiming my dissatisfaction with the 4:30 am start our family would need to make to gain entrance into Rocky Mountain National park – specifically the Sky Pond Trail access on our recent vacation. I am learning to recognize that when I start to whine its most likely a cover up for some deeper feelings of fear of the unknown. (Or I need to eat something)

Our family has been visiting National Parks for 30 years. In the good old days one would drive in to the park, pay the entrance fee and enjoy one of many hiking trails, picnic grounds and scenic overlooks. Over the last several years these parks have grown in popularity, so much so that The National Park Service has needed to limit the numbers of people that enter. Parking lots are maxed out and trails are actually crowded. On June 1st online registration opens for the summer and you have to log in to the website to reserve a spot. Which is exactly what we did. The opening available for the day we wanted was between 5-7 am. And we were staying at a ranch 2 hours away from this trail head. Goodness.

The 2 hour drive to the trail gave plenty of time to enjoy coffee and the sunrise and the views of Rocky Mountain National park . It was going to be a glorious day. This time also provided opportunity to research the details of the trail we would hike on the All Trails app. The 8 mile hike(actually turned out to be 10) would include views of mountain streams, beautiful lakes and several waterfalls. The Sky Pond hike was less popular then other hikes which we hoped meant less crowded. Many reviews also noted there would be a scramble portion on the last leg of the hike.

Scramble… hmm.

Now, lets be clear. I have one general rule for hikes. Just one.

  1. There needs to be a clear, well marked trail.

Clear.

Well marked.

No questions about which way to go.

The trail can be hard and long. It just needs to be

Clear.

And well marked.

Definition of Scramble: make one’s way quickly or awkwardly up a steep slope or over rough ground by using one’s hands as well as one’s feet. Move hurriedly or clumsily from or into a particular place or position.

Nowhere do I see “clear and well marked” in this definition.

When my family informed me of what exactly a scramble was and I kept reading advice on how to navigate the scramble on this particular trail my defenses went up. Just 24 hours ago I had stretched myself way past my comfort zone on a high ropes challenge course. ( Read When Vacations are Hard: Part 1) I felt that was adequate stretching for one vacation. This scramble was not only an unmarked, figure your own way, part of the trail. It was through, next to, very close…

to a waterfall.

Which means steep, slippery rocks.

We would need to navigate steep, slippery rocks with hands and feet on an unmarked portion of the trail.

No thank you.

I informed my family that since this trail was an out and back (meaning you hike to the end and then return on the same path) and the scramble was towards the end, I may just wait for them. I would sit and rest while they scrambled to their hearts content. All good.

When we approached the scramble after a fairly challenging 4 miles of hiking we saw people of all ages and sizes indeed scrambling up the scramble. I decided that if I could leave my backpack near the bottom of the scramble I would actually give it a try. Tom and I watched our kids scramble up before we started. It took less the two steps up the wet rocks that I knew I had reach my end. The fear that had washed over me the day before on the high ropes course was back. My capacity for yet another challenge was spent.

“I’m not doing it. If I go up then I’m going to have to figure out a way to get back down. It’s just too much. Go on with out me.”

Tom asked several times if I was sure of my decision and I indeed was. Over my life I have learned healthy boundaries on what I choose to take on. I have learned when to say no and when to say yes. I have learned to be comfortable with people not understanding either of those answers – especially when it impacts them.

Yet what I realized in the moments to come was that my no was actually a not yet. I needed to wait, shift perspectives, learn a lesson in the midst of that scramble that lay before me.

After Tom successfully made his way up the scramble I found a big rock to rest and enjoy my sandwich and bottle of water. I was thoroughly enjoying watching people scramble up and down the mountain. My joints and muscles were thanking me for the break I was giving them and I was making a list of all I was grateful for in the moment.

And then I saw it.

Another way. Another drier, less slippery way up the scramble.

There was a women descending the scramble and I saw her take another route that all those before her had missed. I was able to see her descent because I had shifted my perspective. Her way looked dry, safe and manageable. And then I felt it…

The power that comes when your willing to be open to new ways of tackling a hard thing. When you pause long enough and are looking close enough, and listening intently enough to recognize another way. I immediately knew I could get up that scramble. I just knew it. I made my way towards this less traveled section and two other women joined me. One said – this is brilliant. I can do THIS!

I know, right?

The new route was not without challenge. It did indeed require hands and feet to step and pull up the surface of rocks. I did get my feet wet when I stepped from my dry path, across the waterfall to the next set of dry rocks. Each move had to be well calculated. The hikers before and after were offering advice and encouragement. It was glorious. It felt amazing. It was another reminder that new perspectives on our hards can change everything. This time the encouragement didn’t come from my trusted spouse or other close family member. I was all alone in my thoughts but my eyes were open. I believe God lead me to the rock and gave me the view of the woman showing me the path that would be perfect for me. He had yet another lesson I needed to learn. It was this one shift that changed everything. My body that had just moments before felt fatigued, overwhelmed and fear filled now felt calm, strong and confident.

So many times in the bible God’s advice to his people in challenging situations is to wait. My all time favorite,

Isaiah 40:31. But those that wait for the Lord (who expect, look for and hope in Him) will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings (and rise up close to God) like eagles ( rising toward the sun); They will run and not become weary, they will walk and not grow tired.

So many times when I hit a really hard, I want to quit. I immediately count myself out because of past experiences which have limited my beliefs about myself and more importantly my God who promises to always lead and guide. I move to quick fixes for peace rather then sitting in the hard and waiting for Gods best path forward. In the waiting He promises to strengthen and help. He promises to hold us by His hand. He promises to never leave us abandoned or undone.

Isaiah 41:10 Don’t be afraid for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

It was in the alone moments, the waiting moments I had while looking at the scramble that I saw another way. I couldn’t rely on the voice of Tom or my kids. No one was inviting me up but yet the pull to try was so strong. That’s how God work. He gives us glimpses of hope and the energy to move forward – when we wait. As I made my ascent I was flooded with memories of the ways He has lead me through my life. I saw the really hard situations that clearly I had gotten through because I was alive to remember them. Times when the world was so quiet but his voice so comforting, confident and clear. I am so grateful for this day. The reminders of how God does indeed light our paths. “By your words I can see where I’m going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path.” Psalm 119:105 The Message

And yet, I have dear friends and family that have or are experiencing life scrambles that will not end this side of heaven. Alzheimers, ALS, MS, terminal cancer, childhood diabetes, widowed as a young mom, widowed at any time.

Life alone in sickness and after trauma is indeed a scramble.

The unknown.

The pain.

The view of others navigating similar scrambles along very different paths.

The loud voices from the past.

But God.

I have spent a good amount of time on my own, with trusted friends and with a professional counselor processing the scrambles of my life. Pausing to wait for the Lords interpretation has brought healing and strength and hope. As I moved from the rock on which I sat to the scramble I would embark along the waterfall, the Lord was reminding me of so much more about him and not many things about me. He did not remind me of the abilities of which he had given me or the health of which I possessed or the evidence that the scramble was possible because of all the people I had watched ascend and descend before me.

He needed me to know….

He was there. In His Power, HIs might, His peace, His provision. In exactly the way I would need him. Showing me my path. Lighting the way.

Just like he did with another frightened and overwhelmed man he asked to join him on a life scramble.

In the Old testament God calls Moses to lead his people that have been enslaved in Egypt and Moses response is a laundry list of all the reasons he was not the man for the job. The scramble was just too much.

“But Moses said to God, who am I , that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” Exodus 3:11

God does something surprising. He doesn’t remind Moses of his top 5 strengths. He does not share his enneagram, Meyers Brigs score or list of accolades.

He’s says this…

‘I will be with you.’ Exodus 3:12

God with us. Lights our path, renews our strength, offers new perspective leading us to new heights of trust and love with HIM. In the scramble. It’s what was most important to Moses and what is most important for us. Because friends – those scrambles keep coming.

When I pulled myself to the top of the scramble I looked expectantly for my family. I believed that our desired destination, Sky Pond, was at the top. I started down a path that lead around a bend in the rock – surely the pond would be there.

It was not.

A bit further and I saw Tom coming towards me.

“You did it!” he yelled.

Yes, I replied – but Where is the pond?

The look on his face revealed it all. The pond was actually not at the top of the scramble. It would be another 3/4 of a mile before we saw the most anticipated sight and my children enjoying it all. The end of the scramble brought me to another leg of the journey…

not the end I had hoped for.

Goodness friends. Can you relate? When one hard leads not to earthly peace but another stretch of unknown road. With each step of that hike I needed to lay down expectations of what I had hoped would bring me peace. An easier path. A lighter back pack. Less nagging fears in my brain.

I never want to forgot those lessons. Each day I am working to lay down the expectations I have of the worldly things I seek for peace and look to the one truth I can count on. The words God said to Moses, he says to me.

He says to you.

“I will be with you.’

Scramble on my friends,

scramble on.

For Ed

“I remember my afflictions and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall I will remember them and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have HOPE, because of the Lord’s great love we are NOT consumed for HIS compassion never fails. They are NEW every morning – Great is your faithfulness. I say to myself “The Lord is my portion therefore I will wait for him, to the one who seeks him it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. ” Lamentation 3:21-25

” I did her funeral.”

To the untrained ear – these words could feel an odd answer to the question – “Did we live here when his wife passed?” Unless your husband is an ordained pastor. Then its 100% normal and 100% the answer I got yesterday when I asked my husband this question after leaving a visit…

with our friend Ed.

It’s been almost four months since I opened this blog. It’s been almost four months since I’ve even attempted to write any words of any length on any subject. And not coincidentally It’s been almost four months since I said my earthly goodbyes to my mom.

It appears that entering in to this space that has been a sanctuary for processing life and God’s word and how the two intersect did not feel as safe as it used too. The ideas that once stirred in my mind while walking the streets of my little town or blow drying my hair just seemed to stop. The traumatic months that ended in my moms passing last December seemed to sap the energy from my tending to lots of responsibilities … cleaning the bathroom, making a meal that didn’t come pre packaged and pausing long enough to welcome the gift that I feel I have received so many times .. the gift of story, the gift of insight, the gift of hope that came tumbling out of my heart and mind in the form of words.

One might describe this as a word drought.

Drought:

  1. a period of drier-than-normal conditions. It can last for days, months or years.
  2. A prolonged absence of a specified thing.

We are all too familiar with “drought” living in a once drought laden part of the country. Our home is in the middle of farm land that people we know and love depend on for their livelihood. As I sit at my kitchen table pounding away at my keyboard I can look out and see land farmed by 3 different farmers. The first patch – It’s Strobel land. The second – Oetting and then in the distance are 2 navy blue silos -representing the third family – and the friend we visited yesterday…Ed.

All of this land including the blue silos have been the most photographed piece of landscape in my phone since the summer of 2017 – the year we took ownership of our Sweet Sandia home. Since that time we have enjoyed not only the beauty of all the seasons of farmland but getting to know each of the families that care for this piece of God’s creation. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t thank God for the gift of this home and the way he reminds me of his goodness with each morning sunrise over farmland. And today… it is the blue silos and our friend Ed… that have pulled me out of my silence. The words… and today the tears… are coming.

My husband has known Ed for over 30 years. Tom knew him first as the father of Jenny – a high school classmate. Tom also knew Ed as one of the men that fought to keep his high school open many years ago when it was on the verge of closing. It’s such a cool story. I asked him to repeat it yesterday when we were visiting. It just never gets old. I met Ed for the first time 8 years ago when we moved here. He was kind and quiet. He would engage in conversation after Sunday morning bible class. On Thursday mornings I would often see Ed going to the weekly mens gathering held on our high school campus and also on my running route. In the most unexpected ways… he became one of my biggest cheerleaders.

It was on one of these early morning runs that Ed first told me how he felt about my blog. I saw Ed leaving his car and heading to the dining hall stairs on my loop around the high school quad when he motioned me to stop. Unbeknownst to me he had been reading my then weekly posts and had read my latest that may have even dropped that morning. After I pulled out my earbuds I paused and he looked me in the eye and said, “Don’t stop. Don’t stop writing. Your words are really important.” Over the years since that morning Ed has reminded me of how something I have written has impacted him. His genuine interest is often what moved me to open my computer and write.

In the fall of 2022 when I was diagnosed with breast Cancer, Ed took on the role of a different form of cheerleader. Ed offered support and kind words that came from a place of knowing. Not only was he a personal cancer survivor but the ugly disease took his wife years before. It was one of the many funerals my husband performed the first year we lived in our little town and he was filling in as a vacancy pastor. It is this very same disease that prompted our visit with Ed yesterday.

Ed’s cancer is back.

Hospice has been called and his daughter Jenny posted on facebook that despite being tired and weak, Ed welcomed visitors and was ready to receive them. There was no question that a visit to Ed was top priority on our list of Saturday activities. We had hoped that our visit would bring him joy and a distraction to the pain he is experiencing but in true Ed form- he was the one that did the encouraging.

As we entered Ed’s room in our local nursing home we were greeted with the welcome smile of his daughter followed by the bright eyes of Ed. He reached out his hand to offer a firm hand shake and invited us to have a seat. He cut straight to the truth of his situation. The Non- Hodgkin’s Lymphoma that has returned is aggressive and the treatment brutal. His first bought with cancer was 9 years ago and he said Doctors have been surprised at all the life he has been gifted to live. Now, with the all the confidence and peace in the world Ed says,

“I’m ready.”

Ready to go home.

To heaven.

To Jesus.

We spoke for several minutes about the details of this diagnosis and then entered into an hour of lovely conversation about past memories from Ed’s life and our small town. Ed asked for updates on the high school ( the one he fought to keep open, the one from which Tom and 2 of our children graduated and the one where Tom currently teaches. SPLHS is pretty significant to all of us!). We talked weather. We talked about his blue silos I see every time I look over my backyard. Ed asked about my work – he has always asked about my work with a genuine interest in understanding what I do.

It was light.

It was easy.

It was unburdened.

It was the kind of conversation you can have with someone at peace. Someone confident in who they are and where they are going.

Deadlines are funny things. They have the power to move us into action or in this case move me out of a drought. When Ed stopped me in the middle of my run years ago and he said those words… ” Don’t stop writing” I made him a promise. I promised him I wouldn’t stop. I promised him I would keep listening to the words God gave me and put them down on paper.

So Ed – this one is for you. The one that spoke the words I would need to remember when I thought the words had stopped. The one that showed me peace in the midst of your final days. The one that is displaying confidence in the hope we can have in Jesus. The passing of my mom just about did me in, or at least this blog. Ed, it is the anticipation of your passing that has pulled me out. Your friendship has been such a gift. Your authentic interest in my life, my families and my words are more precious than you can know.

For everyone else…I hope that if you are reading this you too have an Ed in your life. Someone that takes time to ask questions and share encouragement.

Hmm… or maybe …..

you are the Ed……

that someone is waiting for.