John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. note: Trust: the antidote for a troubled heart

I am strong.

I know I am strong because since Jan of 2022 I have worked to get strong. Five days a week, without fail I have committed to a strength training program that works all areas of my body. I have not felt this strong and healthy since my high school days. I began my program the same month I began radiation treatments for breast cancer. It was one of the ways I chose to prove to myself that cancer would not stop me – physically or emotionally. Showing up each day to lift what started as soup cans and now are actual weights felt important. Later that year when care for my ailing mom required physical strength I was thankful for the preparation this program had provided.

(Side note to all my pre and menopausal friends. I have read research after research that suggests that strength training is critical in this season. It helps us endure the side effects of and prepares us for vibrant living in our later years. Strong over Skinny is the mantra I repeat every day. )

So my wobbly, no let me re phrase – my uncontrollable shaking legs that simply could not hold my body weight was a complete shock to my systems – both physically and mentally. I had been strength training for 18 months… what was going on? I panicked when I realized I didn’t have what it would take to keep moving forward. I would need to depend on my upper body strength. Despite the months of lifting, my legs that have always been the strongest part of my body, were now totally letting me down. My brain raced with reasons for the shaking weakness in my lower limbs.

Muscle fatigue? Nope – I hadn’t even worked out that day

Injury from past workouts? Nope – I woke up that morning feeling strong and energetic.

Not enough sleep? Again no. Plenty of rest, plenty of breakfast, plenty of hydration.

What.

Was

Going on?

The funny thing about the frightening situation I found myself in was that it was all my idea.

Lets rewind a bit.

Earlier this month our family embarked on one of our favorite events – the Lange Family Reunion. It is a week filled with lots of immediate and extended family time. We play games, we eat good food, we engage in meaningful conversation and we play.

And by play I mean serious, work your body, feel it in every muscle at the end of the day play. We usually pick our location for these reunions near a National Park which provide places to hike, white water raft, horse back ride and this year was no different. Our spot was a beautiful resort called Snow Mountain Ranch near Granby, CO on the outskirts of Rocky Mountain National Park. The ranch was full of so many fun activities like summer tubing down a mountain, archery, putt putt golf, playgrounds, a rec center with volleyball and basketball courts and roller skating. Out door tennis and pickle ball courts surrounded by a view of mountains. It was extra glorious because we were blessed with perfect weather. It was one of these many events that our immediate family was experiencing when my strength suddenly left my body and all my squats and lunges and dead lifts appeared to be for naught.

High Ropes Course

I’d never done a high ropes course before and was delighted when I saw it as an activity option at the ranch. My husband, adult children and son in law were all game. A quick stop in the program office to schedule our spot for the next day and we were set for what I just knew would be a fun family bonding experience. I began to imagine the beauty of being high in the trees and looking around at the gorgeous sites this view would provide. I imagined a trail of extension bridges – slatted, wood steps creating swinging bridges with a rope handle on each side. I imagined it would be a little scary but nothing that caused concern. Like I mentioned earlier, the night before I slept soundly – excited for what the next day would bring.

When we arrived at the High Ropes Course location we were greeted by friendly staff. They were young and fun college students enjoying what I would consider a pretty amazing summer job in the mountains. We were a bit early so we threw a frisbee around in the parking lot before we could begin our session. When we were told it was time to begin I was a bit surprised when we were given instructions to enter the Yurt so we could suit up in our helmet and climbing gear before we headed to Ropes School.

No where in my imagination was I wearing a helmet, or climbing gear. Nor did I need “Ropes School.” How hard could it be to walk across the hanging bridge trail I had pictured in my mind? I would not need to be strapped into harnesses and helmets and I certainly knew how to walk across a bridge.

Ah…but this is where I began to understand that what I would be encountering was very different from what I had imagined in my mind. I was needing to pay attention to my Ropes instructor because I had to learn how to lock and unlock myself from safety wires to prepare for the possible event of falling off the ropes course. Locking in to the wires would ensure I would never fall to the ground and could never get seriously hurt.

What the what?

Fall to the ground?

This was all beginning to feel, well…

Hard.

Now – I am not afraid of a good challenge. I actually thrive when I see something difficult and am asked to figure out a solution. As an entrepreneur I spend a good amount of time problem solving difficult situations in my day to day life.

This .

This was starting to feel a bit more then I wanted to experience on a family vacation – where rest was needed especially after a particularly challenging personal year. But, on I went..

There were 3 choices of trails on this ropes course ( just three weeks new – Tom’s cousin said – that’s not enough time to know if the bolts will hold:). The trails all started at the same base and all connected to make it “easy” to experience them all. I knew, without a doubt, that I would be starting on the easy course. My three children and son in law skipped right over and moved to the medium and hard courses and I expected my husband to do the same.

Yet,

As I moved to the start of the course marked easy, I heard my husband say, ” I’ll go with mom.”

God bless him.

It is here in the story – the very first step onto the very first leg of the easy trail of this High Ropes “Challenge” Course ( I am certain I missed the word challenge when I read the description in the activities brochure) that I experienced something for the first time in my life…

The effects of fear on the physical functions of my body in an overwhelming way – like lost control.

The first step was on to a moving piece of 2 X 4 about 3 feet long and 20 feet high. It was attached by ropes to a wire hanging about my head and it moved – which means it was not stable. Each step would require me to step into the middle of the board so it would not tip forward. The trail was made up of these disconnected boards that lead me to a platform around 30 feet away.

I took a deep breath stepped out on to the very unstable board and immediately – and I mean “right now” – experienced the shaking legs as well as increased heart rate and shortness of breath. I was so confused. As I’ve already established I am strong and I was rested and fueled. In what felt like hours but was most likely seconds my brain shouted the words…

“Beth, you are terrified”

And I was.

I actually find myself tearing up as I type these words – in the same way I wanted to when I was in the middle of what felt like the hardest physical challenge I had ever experience in my life. My breaths were short and labored as I made my way across the trail. Tom was shouting encouraging words and I felt the very real battle of my mind over my body. I knew I had to pull it together or I would indeed fall. When I reached the end of the first leg of the trail stepping on to the platform that connected me to the next leg (Good lord how many of these segments were there?) I literally hugged the pole that held the platform, willing myself not to cry but instead take deep calming breaths. My legs continued to shake as I contemplated what had just happened.

My husband, wise man that he is having been married to me for 31 years, paused before he offered his thoughts. Now, in those 31 years of marriage I have not always been open to what he had to say ( think golf tips) but in this moment I was all ears. What I know about fear is that is creates a tunnel vision for those that are experiencing it. It becomes incredibly difficult to problem solve and decisions can be sporadic and sometimes dangerous.

“Beth – your not trusting the course. You are using all upper body strength to pull your self over and you are all hunched down making you less stable, more prone to shaking. You are not using your legs in a way that can create stability.”

I had no idea I was hunched over.

I had no idea that I was not trusting the course. I needed him to expand my vision.

I needed a voice of truth from outside my head to speak what I needed to hear. In my shaky legs, short breath self – I was unable to get myself to where I needed to go.

Ever been there?

You’ve found yourself in a situation that you have walked into willingly or one that has caught you by surprise and life suddenly becomes a batch of quicksand with which you cannot get out. Or a high ropes challenge course that has no end?

As I chatted with my son in law after successfully completing the course with less shaky legs and much deeper breaths I was sharing with him the lessons I felt I had learned. He commented that he too recognized the need for faithful friends to point us to truth in times he was stuck in a messy, overwhelming sometimes terrifying middle. We were not designed to walk this life alone. Introvert or Extrovert – we need each other.

There were so many lessons I learned that day:

1. Fear shows up in all manner of ways. In an appropriate dose it can keep us focused on the challenge at hand.
2. Fear does not get to drive. When it becomes all consuming we may need an outside voice sharing truth about what is happening in our lives that we cant see ourselves.
3. Keep friends in your life that are willing to speak truth in love. I 100% needed Toms perspective.
4. Hard things are the training ground for future hard things. I will never forget the lessons I learned on that high ropes course.

There is a verse I often found troubling when it comes to the navigating fear and anxiousness. Paul tells us in Philippians 4 to not be anxious about anything. How do you do that when your body is physically shutting down due to fear presenting in weak muscles and shortness of breath? A wise friend pointed out years ago the important 4 words preceding the command ‘ to be anxious for nothing.’

THE

LORD

IS

NEAR.

The Lord is near.

Philippians 4:5-6 Let your gentleness be evident to all. THE LORD IS NEAR. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I love this reminder that we can indeed drop our fears and our anxieties not on our own power but because we can trust that the Lord is near, always. It starts with that truth. And it often starts with someone else reminding me of it. The faster I can recognize that I am stuck in an emotion and my vision is narrow, the faster I can open my heart to the truth from someone outside of me.

The friendly young man that taught our Ropes Course and then guided us through our experience shared that he was terrified of heights when he took the job. He wanted to work in the mountains and the high ropes course was the only opening. When his boss asked if he was afraid of heights he said, ‘Yea, I can do heights.’ He never said he was not afraid. He focused on what he determined he would learn to do. I asked how he worked through the fear when he told me that he currently loved the course and ran all over it all day. ( look at my pictures – can you imagine running it?) He said -” I just kept getting up. I started with the easy and just kept going.” I knew why he was such a good instructor and such patient encourager – he had been there. When he saw fear in someone he knew exactly what was going on in their bodies, their hearts and their minds.

What I didn’t know on the day I learned my high ropes lessons is that it was actually preparation for things to come. Maybe the scary situation you are in today is training ground for what God needs you to know for your future self or someone you love. It was certainly true for me.

And it would take exactly 24 hours to prove itself true.

I am so grateful that Tom chose to follow me on my easy high ropes path. Im so grateful he was near. Im so grateful I was close enough so I could hear his voice. But what do I do when he is not?

That story is for another day.