When Vacations are Hard: Part 2 – The Scramble

Isaiah 42:16 AMP I will lead the blind by a way they do not know; I will guide them in paths that they do not know. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These things I will do ( for them) And I will not leave them abandoned or undone.

I began my day today at 4:30 a.m. and I feel good about it. I am all about early mornings, naturally waking up between 4:30-6 each day. To be clear, I am also in bed by 9:30 p.m. I love feeling like I get a jump on the day. I love my first sip of hot coffee. I love experiencing the sunrise across my backyard. I am indeed a morning person which does not explain why I was so loudly proclaiming my dissatisfaction with the 4:30 am start our family would need to make to gain entrance into Rocky Mountain National park – specifically the Sky Pond Trail access on our recent vacation. I am learning to recognize that when I start to whine its most likely a cover up for some deeper feelings of fear of the unknown. (Or I need to eat something)

Our family has been visiting National Parks for 30 years. In the good old days one would drive in to the park, pay the entrance fee and enjoy one of many hiking trails, picnic grounds and scenic overlooks. Over the last several years these parks have grown in popularity, so much so that The National Park Service has needed to limit the numbers of people that enter. Parking lots are maxed out and trails are actually crowded. On June 1st online registration opens for the summer and you have to log in to the website to reserve a spot. Which is exactly what we did. The opening available for the day we wanted was between 5-7 am. And we were staying at a ranch 2 hours away from this trail head. Goodness.

The 2 hour drive to the trail gave plenty of time to enjoy coffee and the sunrise and the views of Rocky Mountain National park . It was going to be a glorious day. This time also provided opportunity to research the details of the trail we would hike on the All Trails app. The 8 mile hike(actually turned out to be 10) would include views of mountain streams, beautiful lakes and several waterfalls. The Sky Pond hike was less popular then other hikes which we hoped meant less crowded. Many reviews also noted there would be a scramble portion on the last leg of the hike.

Scramble… hmm.

Now, lets be clear. I have one general rule for hikes. Just one.

There needs to be a clear, well marked trail.

Clear.

Well marked.

No questions about which way to go.

The trail can be hard and long. It just needs to be

Clear.

And well marked.

Definition of Scramble: make one’s way quickly or awkwardly up a steep slope or over rough ground by using one’s hands as well as one’s feet. Move hurriedly or clumsily from or into a particular place or position.

Nowhere do I see “clear and well marked” in this definition.

When my family informed me of what exactly a scramble was and I kept reading advice on how to navigate the scramble on this particular trail my defenses went up. Just 24 hours ago I had stretched myself way past my comfort zone on a high ropes challenge course. ( Read When Vacations are Hard: Part 1) I felt that was adequate stretching for one vacation. This scramble was not only an unmarked, figure your own way, part of the trail. It was through, next to, very close…

to a waterfall.

Which means steep, slippery rocks.

We would need to navigate steep, slippery rocks with hands and feet on an unmarked portion of the trail.

No thank you.

I informed my family that since this trail was an out and back (meaning you hike to the end and then return on the same path) and the scramble was towards the end, I may just wait for them. I would sit and rest while they scrambled to their hearts content. All good.

When we approached the scramble after a fairly challenging 4 miles of hiking we saw people of all ages and sizes indeed scrambling up the scramble. I decided that if I could leave my backpack near the bottom of the scramble I would actually give it a try. Tom and I watched our kids scramble up before we started. It took less the two steps up the wet rocks that I knew I had reach my end. The fear that had washed over me the day before on the high ropes course was back. My capacity for yet another challenge was spent.

“I’m not doing it. If I go up then I’m going to have to figure out a way to get back down. It’s just too much. Go on with out me.”

Tom asked several times if I was sure of my decision and I indeed was. Over my life I have learned healthy boundaries on what I choose to take on. I have learned when to say no and when to say yes. I have learned to be comfortable with people not understanding either of those answers – especially when it impacts them.

Yet what I realized in the moments to come was that my no was actually a not yet. I needed to wait, shift perspectives, learn a lesson in the midst of that scramble that lay before me.

After Tom successfully made his way up the scramble I found a big rock to rest and enjoy my sandwich and bottle of water. I was thoroughly enjoying watching people scramble up and down the mountain. My joints and muscles were thanking me for the break I was giving them and I was making a list of all I was grateful for in the moment.

And then I saw it.

Another way. Another drier, less slippery way up the scramble.

There was a women descending the scramble and I saw her take another route that all those before her had missed. I was able to see her descent because I had shifted my perspective. Her way looked dry, safe and manageable. And then I felt it…

The power that comes when your willing to be open to new ways of tackling a hard thing. When you pause long enough and are looking close enough, and listening intently enough to recognize another way. I immediately knew I could get up that scramble. I just knew it. I made my way towards this less traveled section and two other women joined me. One said – this is brilliant. I can do THIS!

I know, right?

The new route was not without challenge. It did indeed require hands and feet to step and pull up the surface of rocks. I did get my feet wet when I stepped from my dry path, across the waterfall to the next set of dry rocks. Each move had to be well calculated. The hikers before and after were offering advice and encouragement. It was glorious. It felt amazing. It was another reminder that new perspectives on our hards can change everything. This time the encouragement didn’t come from my trusted spouse or other close family member. I was all alone in my thoughts but my eyes were open. I believe God lead me to the rock and gave me the view of the woman showing me the path that would be perfect for me. He had yet another lesson I needed to learn. It was this one shift that changed everything. My body that had just moments before felt fatigued, overwhelmed and fear filled now felt calm, strong and confident.

So many times in the bible God’s advice to his people in challenging situations is to wait. My all time favorite,

Isaiah 40:31. But those that wait for the Lord (who expect, look for and hope in Him) will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings (and rise up close to God) like eagles ( rising toward the sun); They will run and not become weary, they will walk and not grow tired.

So many times when I hit a really hard, I want to quit. I immediately count myself out because of past experiences which have limited my beliefs about myself and more importantly my God who promises to always lead and guide. I move to quick fixes for peace rather then sitting in the hard and waiting for Gods best path forward. In the waiting He promises to strengthen and help. He promises to hold us by His hand. He promises to never leave us abandoned or undone.

Isaiah 41:10 Don’t be afraid for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

It was in the alone moments, the waiting moments I had while looking at the scramble that I saw another way. I couldn’t rely on the voice of Tom or my kids. No one was inviting me up but yet the pull to try was so strong. That’s how God work. He gives us glimpses of hope and the energy to move forward – when we wait. As I made my ascent I was flooded with memories of the ways He has lead me through my life. I saw the really hard situations that clearly I had gotten through because I was alive to remember them. Times when the world was so quiet but his voice so comforting, confident and clear. I am so grateful for this day. The reminders of how God does indeed light our paths. “By your words I can see where I’m going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path.” Psalm 119:105 The Message

And yet, I have dear friends and family that have or are experiencing life scrambles that will not end this side of heaven. Alzheimers, ALS, MS, terminal cancer, childhood diabetes, widowed as a young mom, widowed at any time.

Life alone in sickness and after trauma is indeed a scramble.

The unknown.

The pain.

The view of others navigating similar scrambles along very different paths.

The loud voices from the past.

But God.

I have spent a good amount of time on my own, with trusted friends and with a professional counselor processing the scrambles of my life. Pausing to wait for the Lords interpretation has brought healing and strength and hope. As I moved from the rock on which I sat to the scramble I would embark along the waterfall, the Lord was reminding me of so much more about him and not many things about me. He did not remind me of the abilities of which he had given me or the health of which I possessed or the evidence that the scramble was possible because of all the people I had watched ascend and descend before me.

He needed me to know….

He was there. In His Power, HIs might, His peace, His provision. In exactly the way I would need him. Showing me my path. Lighting the way.

Just like he did with another frightened and overwhelmed man he asked to join him on a life scramble.

In the Old testament God calls Moses to lead his people that have been enslaved in Egypt and Moses response is a laundry list of all the reasons he was not the man for the job. The scramble was just too much.

“But Moses said to God, who am I , that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” Exodus 3:11

God does something surprising. He doesn’t remind Moses of his top 5 strengths. He does not share his enneagram, Meyers Brigs score or list of accolades.

He’s says this…

‘I will be with you.’ Exodus 3:12

God with us. Lights our path, renews our strength, offers new perspective leading us to new heights of trust and love with HIM. In the scramble. It’s what was most important to Moses and what is most important for us. Because friends – those scrambles keep coming.

When I pulled myself to the top of the scramble I looked expectantly for my family. I believed that our desired destination, Sky Pond, was at the top. I started down a path that lead around a bend in the rock – surely the pond would be there.

It was not.

A bit further and I saw Tom coming towards me.

“You did it!” he yelled.

Yes, I replied – but Where is the pond?

The look on his face revealed it all. The pond was actually not at the top of the scramble. It would be another 3/4 of a mile before we saw the most anticipated sight and my children enjoying it all. The end of the scramble brought me to another leg of the journey…

not the end I had hoped for.

Goodness friends. Can you relate? When one hard leads not to earthly peace but another stretch of unknown road. With each step of that hike I needed to lay down expectations of what I had hoped would bring me peace. An easier path. A lighter back pack. Less nagging fears in my brain.

I never want to forgot those lessons. Each day I am working to lay down the expectations I have of the worldly things I seek for peace and look to the one truth I can count on. The words God said to Moses, he says to me.

He says to you.

“I will be with you.’

Scramble on my friends,

scramble on.

When vacations are Hard: Part 1

John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. note: Trust: the antidote for a troubled heart

I am strong.

I know I am strong because since Jan of 2022 I have worked to get strong. Five days a week, without fail I have committed to a strength training program that works all areas of my body. I have not felt this strong and healthy since my high school days. I began my program the same month I began radiation treatments for breast cancer. It was one of the ways I chose to prove to myself that cancer would not stop me – physically or emotionally. Showing up each day to lift what started as soup cans and now are actual weights felt important. Later that year when care for my ailing mom required physical strength I was thankful for the preparation this program had provided.

(Side note to all my pre and menopausal friends. I have read research after research that suggests that strength training is critical in this season. It helps us endure the side effects of and prepares us for vibrant living in our later years. Strong over Skinny is the mantra I repeat every day. )

So my wobbly, no let me re phrase – my uncontrollable shaking legs that simply could not hold my body weight was a complete shock to my systems – both physically and mentally. I had been strength training for 18 months… what was going on? I panicked when I realized I didn’t have what it would take to keep moving forward. I would need to depend on my upper body strength. Despite the months of lifting, my legs that have always been the strongest part of my body, were now totally letting me down. My brain raced with reasons for the shaking weakness in my lower limbs.

Muscle fatigue? Nope – I hadn’t even worked out that day

Injury from past workouts? Nope – I woke up that morning feeling strong and energetic.

Not enough sleep? Again no. Plenty of rest, plenty of breakfast, plenty of hydration.

What.

Was

Going on?

The funny thing about the frightening situation I found myself in was that it was all my idea.

Lets rewind a bit.

Earlier this month our family embarked on one of our favorite events – the Lange Family Reunion. It is a week filled with lots of immediate and extended family time. We play games, we eat good food, we engage in meaningful conversation and we play.

And by play I mean serious, work your body, feel it in every muscle at the end of the day play. We usually pick our location for these reunions near a National Park which provide places to hike, white water raft, horse back ride and this year was no different. Our spot was a beautiful resort called Snow Mountain Ranch near Granby, CO on the outskirts of Rocky Mountain National Park. The ranch was full of so many fun activities like summer tubing down a mountain, archery, putt putt golf, playgrounds, a rec center with volleyball and basketball courts and roller skating. Out door tennis and pickle ball courts surrounded by a view of mountains. It was extra glorious because we were blessed with perfect weather. It was one of these many events that our immediate family was experiencing when my strength suddenly left my body and all my squats and lunges and dead lifts appeared to be for naught.

High Ropes Course

I’d never done a high ropes course before and was delighted when I saw it as an activity option at the ranch. My husband, adult children and son in law were all game. A quick stop in the program office to schedule our spot for the next day and we were set for what I just knew would be a fun family bonding experience. I began to imagine the beauty of being high in the trees and looking around at the gorgeous sites this view would provide. I imagined a trail of extension bridges – slatted, wood steps creating swinging bridges with a rope handle on each side. I imagined it would be a little scary but nothing that caused concern. Like I mentioned earlier, the night before I slept soundly – excited for what the next day would bring.

When we arrived at the High Ropes Course location we were greeted by friendly staff. They were young and fun college students enjoying what I would consider a pretty amazing summer job in the mountains. We were a bit early so we threw a frisbee around in the parking lot before we could begin our session. When we were told it was time to begin I was a bit surprised when we were given instructions to enter the Yurt so we could suit up in our helmet and climbing gear before we headed to Ropes School.

No where in my imagination was I wearing a helmet, or climbing gear. Nor did I need “Ropes School.” How hard could it be to walk across the hanging bridge trail I had pictured in my mind? I would not need to be strapped into harnesses and helmets and I certainly knew how to walk across a bridge.

Ah…but this is where I began to understand that what I would be encountering was very different from what I had imagined in my mind. I was needing to pay attention to my Ropes instructor because I had to learn how to lock and unlock myself from safety wires to prepare for the possible event of falling off the ropes course. Locking in to the wires would ensure I would never fall to the ground and could never get seriously hurt.

What the what?

Fall to the ground?

This was all beginning to feel, well…

Hard.

Now – I am not afraid of a good challenge. I actually thrive when I see something difficult and am asked to figure out a solution. As an entrepreneur I spend a good amount of time problem solving difficult situations in my day to day life.

This .

This was starting to feel a bit more then I wanted to experience on a family vacation – where rest was needed especially after a particularly challenging personal year. But, on I went..

There were 3 choices of trails on this ropes course ( just three weeks new – Tom’s cousin said – that’s not enough time to know if the bolts will hold:). The trails all started at the same base and all connected to make it “easy” to experience them all. I knew, without a doubt, that I would be starting on the easy course. My three children and son in law skipped right over and moved to the medium and hard courses and I expected my husband to do the same.

Yet,

As I moved to the start of the course marked easy, I heard my husband say, ” I’ll go with mom.”

God bless him.

It is here in the story – the very first step onto the very first leg of the easy trail of this High Ropes “Challenge” Course ( I am certain I missed the word challenge when I read the description in the activities brochure) that I experienced something for the first time in my life…

The effects of fear on the physical functions of my body in an overwhelming way – like lost control.

The first step was on to a moving piece of 2 X 4 about 3 feet long and 20 feet high. It was attached by ropes to a wire hanging about my head and it moved – which means it was not stable. Each step would require me to step into the middle of the board so it would not tip forward. The trail was made up of these disconnected boards that lead me to a platform around 30 feet away.

I took a deep breath stepped out on to the very unstable board and immediately – and I mean “right now” – experienced the shaking legs as well as increased heart rate and shortness of breath. I was so confused. As I’ve already established I am strong and I was rested and fueled. In what felt like hours but was most likely seconds my brain shouted the words…

“Beth, you are terrified”

And I was.

I actually find myself tearing up as I type these words – in the same way I wanted to when I was in the middle of what felt like the hardest physical challenge I had ever experience in my life. My breaths were short and labored as I made my way across the trail. Tom was shouting encouraging words and I felt the very real battle of my mind over my body. I knew I had to pull it together or I would indeed fall. When I reached the end of the first leg of the trail stepping on to the platform that connected me to the next leg (Good lord how many of these segments were there?) I literally hugged the pole that held the platform, willing myself not to cry but instead take deep calming breaths. My legs continued to shake as I contemplated what had just happened.

My husband, wise man that he is having been married to me for 31 years, paused before he offered his thoughts. Now, in those 31 years of marriage I have not always been open to what he had to say ( think golf tips) but in this moment I was all ears. What I know about fear is that is creates a tunnel vision for those that are experiencing it. It becomes incredibly difficult to problem solve and decisions can be sporadic and sometimes dangerous.

“Beth – your not trusting the course. You are using all upper body strength to pull your self over and you are all hunched down making you less stable, more prone to shaking. You are not using your legs in a way that can create stability.”

I had no idea I was hunched over.

I had no idea that I was not trusting the course. I needed him to expand my vision.

I needed a voice of truth from outside my head to speak what I needed to hear. In my shaky legs, short breath self – I was unable to get myself to where I needed to go.

Ever been there?

You’ve found yourself in a situation that you have walked into willingly or one that has caught you by surprise and life suddenly becomes a batch of quicksand with which you cannot get out. Or a high ropes challenge course that has no end?

As I chatted with my son in law after successfully completing the course with less shaky legs and much deeper breaths I was sharing with him the lessons I felt I had learned. He commented that he too recognized the need for faithful friends to point us to truth in times he was stuck in a messy, overwhelming sometimes terrifying middle. We were not designed to walk this life alone. Introvert or Extrovert – we need each other.

There were so many lessons I learned that day:

Fear shows up in all manner of ways. In an appropriate dose it can keep us focused on the challenge at hand.
Fear does not get to drive. When it becomes all consuming we may need an outside voice sharing truth about what is happening in our lives that we cant see ourselves.
Keep friends in your life that are willing to speak truth in love. I 100% needed Toms perspective.
Hard things are the training ground for future hard things. I will never forget the lessons I learned on that high ropes course.

There is a verse I often found troubling when it comes to the navigating fear and anxiousness. Paul tells us in Philippians 4 to not be anxious about anything. How do you do that when your body is physically shutting down due to fear presenting in weak muscles and shortness of breath? A wise friend pointed out years ago the important 4 words preceding the command ‘ to be anxious for nothing.’

THE

LORD

NEAR.

The Lord is near.

Philippians 4:5-6 Let your gentleness be evident to all. THE LORD IS NEAR. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I love this reminder that we can indeed drop our fears and our anxieties not on our own power but because we can trust that the Lord is near, always. It starts with that truth. And it often starts with someone else reminding me of it. The faster I can recognize that I am stuck in an emotion and my vision is narrow, the faster I can open my heart to the truth from someone outside of me.

The friendly young man that taught our Ropes Course and then guided us through our experience shared that he was terrified of heights when he took the job. He wanted to work in the mountains and the high ropes course was the only opening. When his boss asked if he was afraid of heights he said, ‘Yea, I can do heights.’ He never said he was not afraid. He focused on what he determined he would learn to do. I asked how he worked through the fear when he told me that he currently loved the course and ran all over it all day. ( look at my pictures – can you imagine running it?) He said -” I just kept getting up. I started with the easy and just kept going.” I knew why he was such a good instructor and such patient encourager – he had been there. When he saw fear in someone he knew exactly what was going on in their bodies, their hearts and their minds.

What I didn’t know on the day I learned my high ropes lessons is that it was actually preparation for things to come. Maybe the scary situation you are in today is training ground for what God needs you to know for your future self or someone you love. It was certainly true for me.

And it would take exactly 24 hours to prove itself true.

I am so grateful that Tom chose to follow me on my easy high ropes path. Im so grateful he was near. Im so grateful I was close enough so I could hear his voice. But what do I do when he is not?

That story is for another day.