This is the eulogy I shared at my moms life celebration. May you find the peace and joy in Christ that she did. Kathryn Louis Hirsch 1/23/1945 – 12/30/2023

Today is Epiphany – the day in our church year that remembers the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi. Matthew 2:2-12. I had completely forgotten about the significance of this day when we picked it to celebrate moms life. Here is a refresher on what we commemorate on this day from Matthew 2:9-11.

After the Magi had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where theChrist child was.  When they saw the star they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. They they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. v. 9-11

Im grateful today as we celebrate the life of my mom that I can share some of the gifts that she gave to us. Kathy taught us so much throughout our lives and in her last days still had some lessons she wanted to share which I hold as sweet gifts. I believe these lessons or gifts we received from mom are what she would want all of you to have as well. Like the Magi on the first Epiphany these gifts mom shared honor Christ and point us back to him, which is always where she wanted our focus to be.

The gifts from mom to you.

1. Presence is important: One of the first things I realized when Mom moved into the memory care unit was that when I would visit I could have zero expectations except to be present.  Although mom was losing her ability to communicate with words she still had plenty to say… if I was paying attention. Presence was important.  There is very little time in my life when I allow myself to sit for hours with someone without distraction.  Time with mom and nothing else grew my awareness of the glory of a beautiful fall day when we sat on her porch, the delicious taste of chocolate chip cookie.  When we would walk around her facility it was with a pace that opened up space to really see the world around us. Mom would greet the residents.  She would notice when someone needed help.  My heart rate didn’t elevate and my step count stayed low but this exercise in presence was and is something I know I needed. Im guessing you do too.
2. Lighten UP:  As we got to know mom’s fellow residents in Memory care we realized she was in the midst of amazing humans whose list of life accomplishments were many and impressive.  On was a top Surgeon at the University of Michigan hospital, one was a professor at Mizzou, etc etc. Mom served many years as a the Director and lead teacher or a pre school and child care center. Sitting in the space of these brilliant souls that were now living a very simple life reminded me to never take myself too seriously or put too much stock in the accolades I collect. 
3. Find the Joy:  each time I visited mom I was determined to get a smiling selfie with her.  I am so grateful that goal was accomplished up until one week before she passed.  When I scroll through my phone full of her beautiful smile I also am struck by the pictures of her struggle.  I captured so many emotions and in  between some pretty hard moments – mom flashes her beautiful smile.  Mom laughed and teased and danced with us almost to the end.  We are very sure she was experiencing pain we could not understand and yet even then was saw her find the Joy. 
4. Stay connected to Jesus. He will continue to speak through us even when we can’t.   Our family celebrated Thanksgiving with mom and dad.  After our meal we each shared what we were thankful for from the past year.  Dad was excited to share that mom had some words for us as well.  Mom was resting while we were sharing so these would be words from her past that would be so important for our present.  Dad had been reading through a devotion book that mom had used called Jesus Calling. The words are to be read as if Jesus is speaking them to you. The devotion dad shared with us was from some past Nov 23 for our present Nov. 23.

Nov 23 Thanksgiving – Jesus Calling devotion

Mom had underlined these words: 

As you sit in my presence, let ME fill your heart and mind with thankfulness. This is the most direct way to achieve a thankful stance.  If your mind needs a focal point, gaze at My LOVE poured out for you on the cross. Remember that nothing in heaven or on earth can separate you from that Love.  This remembrance builds a foundation of gratitude in you, a foundation that circumstances cannot shake.

As you go through this day, look for tiny treasures strategically placed along the way. I lovingly go before you and plant little pleasures to brighten your day.  Look carefully for them, and pluck them one by one.  When you reach the end of the day, you will have gathered a lovely bouquet. Offer it up to Me with a grateful heart.  Receive My Peace as you lie down and sleep, with thankful thoughts playing a lullaby in your mind. 

In moms hand writing at the bottom of the page:

Let your light shine upon us oh Lord.  You have filled. My heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.  I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone oh Lord make me dwell in safety.  Psalm 4:7-8

We had been praying for peace and safety for mom as her struggles increased.  How good to know she had prayed these words herself many years ago.

The night before mom passed, my sister was cleaning up her room.  She discovered a small business card in her jewelry box that I had never seen before.  I had opened up that jewelry box numerous times and have no recollection of this little card.  It was from a funeral home in Readlyn IA.  It had a small pin with a Butterly attached through the card. On the card mom had written 

“The butterfly is a symbol of the Resurrection.  Like Christ, the butterfly emerges from its rest in glory and beauty. “

My sister told us she spent much of the evening reading the words to her over and over and over.

As my sister and my dad and I sat with mom her final hours these words reminded us that mom was in her cocoon state.  She was in the process of moving into her eternal life with Jesus emerging healed and whole and beautiful as a butterfly does when they emerge from their cocoon. 

It occurred to me as we read these words to mom that she was actually reading them to us.  She knew where she was going. She knew her healing was soon.  She needed US to be confident in her Resurrection that would come from faith in Christ.  I believe that God saved the revelation of this little card for that vey moment so Mom could teach us this one last lesson.  Mom was never comfortable with the spotlight always wanting her life to point to Jesus and his love.  

As we celebrate her life today I I encourage all of you to receive these gifts she gave to us :

1. Be present in your moments
2. Lighten up
3. Find the Joy
4. Stay connected to Jesus in his word. It is what will  always last. It is what will always sustain. It is what will always speak.

To God be all the glory.

Our last smiling selfie:)

Wave up on wave upon wave upon wave. Bobbing, twisting, falling, uprighting . Laughing, squealing, jumping, riding, floating.

Wave upon wave upon wave upon wave….. upon

WAVE.

Growing up in the Great Lake state… pure Michigan… meant I have a boat load of water memories. At the end of the street of my childhood home was a small lake. Lakes are everywhere in Michigan – a fact I took for granted until I moved away as an adult. Our lake provided us with a small beach and swimming spot in the summer and a frozen oasis for ice skating in the winter. No entrance fees, no membership cards just direct access to hours and hours of water fun.

Many of our family vacations took us to the bigger lakes of Michigan. If you are reading this and hail from Michigan you have already rattled off the 5 Lakes that surround the mitten state. A quick geography lesson… the five lakes start with the letters that make up the acronym HOMES: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, Superior. ( extra credit: The state flower is the apple blossom, the state bird is the robin and the state animal is the wolverine – of which none actually can be found in Michigan:). These lakes on good days could become a playground for excitement and thrills when the wind was strong enough to create waves that would lift and carry you from one spot to another. The water is also fresh so no grimy salt residue on your skin like you get when experiencing the waves of ocean water.

Wave riding demands attention. You have to know when to jump. Its all about the timing. A good wave rider patiently watches towards the horizon as a wave moves forward. They know a good one that will crest- hit its peak at just the right moment. As the wave gets closer the wave rider will crouch a bit lower with a slight bend in the knees. As the wave rider bends they wait for the feel of the wave on their back and then push down with their feet to jump as the wave crashes into them. You then move your arms above your head like your diving into the water and lift your feet off the bottom of the lake floor. If the crouching, turning, jumping are timed just right you will find yourself on top of the wave … gliding quickly forward towards the shore with a feeling that can best described as glee. It is invigorating, exciting and calls you back for more.

My memories of waves continued to grow over my lifetime to include experiencing waves in many of Michigans great lakes and then expanded with opportunities to enjoy both Pacific and Atlantic ocean waves on the shores of California, South Carolina and Texas. The smaller Michigan Lake waves prepared me for the larger ocean waves that demanded more attention, more agility and more strength. The ocean waves demand respect. A wave rider cannot look or think lightly about a big ocean wave. They are powerful, they can create fun but they are also

dangerous.

Oh how I love the waves.

Until last week.

The first time the wave beats you is terrifying. When a wave rider is swept under by the force of a big wave… the glee filled experience of surfing above the wave towards shore is gone. The water is pushed over ones head and you lose all sense of which way is up. Your body starts to struggle as the sounds of the people on the beach disappear and the water blocks all from your senses. Some of the emotions can be fear, overwhelm and possibly even despair.

I was recently reminded that the events of life can often feel like waves – pushing, pulling, tugging us down.

I made a list of life waves that have attempted to push me under. Each causing its own form of discouragement, frustration, fear. We all have them…and for most of us, most of the time… we feel the push, we steady ourselves and somehow manage to keep our head above water. That was me – navigating some fairly large waves, each attempting sweep me off my feet yet none being successful.

breast cancer

Alzheimers

Move mom and dad to independent living.

Moving mom to memory care. ER runs, doctor visits… yadda yadda yadda.

And then

Eddie.

Eddie – the wave that took me under.

A little 13 pound dog. The cutest dog on the planet. My loyal companion through everything. The presence in my life when no one else was around. The one that sat at my feet with every move I made. He slept at my side, he woke when I woke, he slept when I slept,

bible study,

Basement during workouts

shower,

office,

kitchen,

vacations,

work trips

and our daily walk around our high school campus. -where students and staff all greeted him. Everybody loved Eddie.

The cancer that took over his body was discovered only because of some blood spots left on the floor when he sat. His behavior was mostly normal – old dog cataracts and a bit lower in energy. What I thought would be quick visit to the vet to receive antibiotics and pain meds for a swollen gland turned into a fruit basket upset of my day… or the crashing of a wave that sent Tom and I into a decision we had not planned on making that day. As we stood in our kitchen we looked at our sweet puppy and knew that the most humane thing to do would be to let him leave this earth in peace.

Wave upon wave up wave upon wave.

WAVE.

It was just 4 days later that my mom in a battle her doctor tells me she will not win…. the battle for her mind by a disease called Alzheimers … for the first time… did not recognize me. Her usual smile that lights up her face when I enter her room was gone as she greeted my with a polite hello. It was the sound of a hello saved for strangers- not me. That day on my drive home from my parents senior living facility – my dad in independent living, my mom in memory care… was the first time I have shed tears over my mom. I had wondered when this would happen. My family has been walking this road of memory loss for years. I’ve held grief at bay, arms length, an ocean width away. It took this wave, the loss of my dog to push me deep down into the silence found only in the deep water where I have met with the most important lesson in my 52 years of life.

Jesus is in the deep.

I think for the longest time when I thought about the comfort of Jesus I picture it as he getting me OUT of something – not sitting IN the something with me.

Jesus is in the water- under the water,

way.

down.

deep-with me, with you – under the crashing waves.

He is the oxygen, forcing my gaze on him alone – not letting me rush to the surface to feel the warmth of the sun and the happy distractions of the sounds on the beach. He has a love that can only be felt when the wave has crashed over me and there appears to be no where out. He has a love that needs to be experienced, embraced, desired, longed for … a love that surpasses knowledge and he needs us to own it. To breath it. Jesus meets us under the waves demanding our gaze, our attention our everything , needing HIS everything.

He has plans for us.

But we need to be filled with him alone – His peace, his strength, his love – that surpasses anything we will ever know..

and sometimes…

many times…

We need a wave, or 2 or 3 or one really big one to take us under so we can meet Him – with lungs ready to inhale all he has and all he is.

The apostle Paul has a prayer for his listeners in Ephesians 3. It is a short yet powerful prayer that must be answered, trusted, believed before the listener goes on to read the final 3 chapters of the letter to this people group.

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit. In your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And, I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Did you catch that…..

This love that surpasses knowledge.

The chapters that follow this prayer are filled with the Apostle Pauls call to holy living in all areas of life. He challenges his listeners to raise their bars and not settle for mere infant behavior. His call can be mistaken as a list of have to’s that need to be met to earn Christs love when it is actually just the opposite.

The list, the challenges are meant to be met as a RESPONSE to the love we have received as a gift that is often given in the deep,

the gift of unconditional, powerful, love

felt, embraced, believed, BREATHED.

In the 10 days that have passed since out little dogs life came to a close… I’ve been hanging out in the deep, under water. The first few days felt oppressive and I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to navigate a world with so many reminders of Eddies presence.

I cried.

a lot.

And yet….. each time my heart started to ache, in the deep waters I remembered I was not alone. I actually felt it. It was Jesus. Reminding me of his presence, showing me his love through his word, a friends sweet text, hugs from neighbor children that loved our dog maybe just as much as me, phone calls from our kids, and a gazillion other ways I was aware of his love that surpassed anything I had ever known.

What are your waves? Are you in deep? Do you have a wave that took you out that you’re not sharing because you are embarrassed at what felt like a big wave to you yet others may think is small??

A friend who is mourning the 2nd anniversary of the loss of her young husband reminded me that a broken heart is a broken heart – it does not matter how it got that way.

Friends – God wants to FILL you. Eph 3:20 says “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more then we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen. “

Then… we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the WAVES, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Ephesians 4:14

The enemy of our soul desires that our life waves that deplete us, devour us, leave us without hope would send us clamoring to the surface, back to the beach scrambling for all the quick fixes to pain and suffering this world offers. IF this is you I invite you to rest in the deep. I invite you to pay attention to the one that is offering you the gift of HIS life giving breath. He is there, is waiting… let the filling begin.

“The caregivers will love to get to know your mom. It will be helpful for them if you can write down some of your favorite memories of her, things she liked to do, hobbies, achievements. They will be so interested in her children and grandchildren, the foods she likes and does not like. It will delight them to discover the things that bring her joy. “

Per the request of the administrator at Lenoir Woods, the beautiful senior living facility that has become home to my parents, I write this letter. In just a few days mom will move from her apartment with dad to a beautiful new room in the memory care section of their facility. We thank God that it is just one floor down and a short hallway walk from where they currently live and where dad will stay. The need for this letter comes because Mom is in the later stages of Alzheimers. She is no longer able to take care of herself and struggles to communicate all the wonderful thoughts she has in her head. This particular aspect of her Alzheimer’s is called aphasia. The difficulties of people with aphasia can range from occasional trouble finding words, to losing the ability to speak, read, or write; INTELLIGENCE, however is unaffected. “American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA): APhasia.asha.org” I would guess though if mom were able to communicate she may not share the things below. She has never been one to toot her own horn. As her first born… allowing me to do some tooting:)

I choose to share these thoughts with you because isn’t it in the sharing of the memories of people we love that the joy we hold for them exponentially grows? In this week before we move mom to her new home I hold many emotions – the greatest being gratitude. So wether you are one of the caregivers that now has the pleasure of spending many moments with my mom, a friend that regularly tunes in to the words I write or someone that has just happened upon this blog… Welcome…

and may I introduce you.

Hello… her name is Kathy.

Kathryn Louise Meyerhoff was born on January 23, 1945. or 1-23-45. I have loved sharing that with people my entire life – isn’t her birthdate the coolest? Born and raised in a small town in Iowa – the youngest of six she enjoyed reading, basketball and sewing. I met my mom later in her life so what I will share with you are my favorite parts of what I know and love about my mom, Kathy.

Hello… her name is Kathy…and she loves to sew. My mom is an amazing seamstress. She made most of the dresses my sister and I wore for Christmas and school dances. Memories of sitting with her at Joann Fabrics pouring through catalogs of patterns, then finding the pattern, picking out the fabric and all the fun extras like fancy buttons and ribbons are still clear in my mind. I marvel at the patience she exhibited when I begged her to begin cutting out the material as soon as we walked in the door. Often she would agree, stretching the cloth across the kitchen counter and painstakingly pinned the pattern to it. It was not until I was a mom and attempted to sew clothes for my own daughter that I realized the attention to detail that sewing required. Her work was always so perfect. My oldest daughter still has a shirt my mom made me in high school – the quality in the stitches standing the test of much time. Kathy… she takes her time and desires excellence in everything she does.

Hello… her name is Kathy… and she graduated from college with honors when her daughters were in high school. I honestly do not know how she managed this. We never felt like she was carrying a heavy load. All while mom was taking night classes and writing papers she prepared our meals, kept the house clean and attended our sporting events. At the end of my Junior year of high school we were attending her college graduation ceremony like it was no big deal. Having raised three of my own… I now understand what a gigantic feat this was.

Hello… her name is Kathy… and she is an amazing cook. People still rave about her chocolate chip cookie recipe, hamburger stroganoff and homemade pancakes. She taught us the beauty of creating tradition with meals… causing much anticipation for her food as we headed into each holiday.

Hello … her name is Kathy… she loves to laugh. And she has such a beautiful smile that starts with her sparkling eyes and moves down to her wide grin. She likes to tease and has the wonderful ability to not take herself too seriously.

Hello… her name is Kathy…she sings, plays the organ and piano. Alto please. I loved listening to her sing the harmony line of hymns during church. As a little girl she would let me twist her wedding bands around her fingers while she sang those familiar tunes. I picked a simple gold band for my own wedding ring because I wanted to be like my mom.

Hello… her name is Kathy… she enjoys popcorn and butter pecan ice cream. She does not like cheese on her burger but she does like radish and butter sandwiches.

Hello…her name is Kathy…she proved to all of us that its never to late to try something new. When my sister and I were grown and had families of our own, mom started art lessons. Drawing, painting… and she is amazing. She gifted my sister and I with pencil drawings of each of our children.

Hello her name is Kathy… She has two daughters, Beth and Teresa. She has two son in laws, Tom and Matthew. She has 5 grandchildren – Allie, Jonah, Brooke, Noam and Mila. I see my mom in each of these offspring. Allie has her ability to listen without judgement. Jonah has her generous spirit. Brooke has her determination for truth. Noam has her quiet strength. Mila has her creative spirit. What a joy to see Kathy in the people that hold parts of her DNA.

Hello..her name is Kathy. She has been married to John for almost 55 years. They met on a blind date and my dads mom swears he said he knew she was his future wife after their first date:). They have been ministry partners for their entire marriage. Mom filled the role of pastors wife beautifully as she loved the members of the congregation dad pastored with all her heart. She would stand next to dad at the end of services and greet the congregants as they left. To this day I’ve never seen another pastors wife do this… including me.

Hello… her name is Kathy…and she loves Jesus. She has loved him her whole life. She has never questioned his existence or his love for her. She just loves him. She spent a good chunk of her life teaching these truths to her pre school students she taught at Shepherd of the Lakes Lutheran Church in Brighton, MI. Her simple faith was displayed so beautifully in the ways she loved her young students. She knows with confidence that the decay of her earthly body is temporary and that her complete physical and spiritual healing are part of he future because of her faith in Jesus resurrection power. This truth gives hope – not only for Kathy but for our very selves as well.

Hello her name is Kathy… and if she could speak to you now she would enjoy asking you questions. She would encourage you. She would laugh with you. She would jump up to serve if you indicated you might need some help. She would not expect thanks and would act in joy.

Hello her name is Kathy… and I love her so very much.

I just know you’ll love her too.

“In the days when the Judges ruled……” Ruth 1:1

My husband tells me nothing gets his High School Bible History students opening up their bible faster then when he begins to describe the lewd acts described in the Old Testament book of Judges. Rape, incest, child sacrifice. It’s a bloody and brutal book. This time in history that also holds one of the best Easter stories never told on Easter Sunday.

I can’t imagine a pastor in the world that will recall the story of the Levite and his concubine recorded in the book of Judges on Easter Sunday. We want the victory story, we want the sermon short so we can get to our family gatherings, and easter egg hunts. This is not time for ugly. I can’t imagine a pastor in the world that would tell the one, the one where a Levite is traveling with his concubine and needs a place to stay for the night. The one where a hospitable older man invites them in and he provides dinner and drinks. The one where they are having a lovely time and a sudden loud pounding is heard at the front door.

“While they were enjoying themselves (eating dinner and visiting..) some of the wicked men of the city surrounded the house. Pounding on the door, they shouted to the old many who owned the house, ‘Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him.’ Judges 19:22

Disgusting.

But it gets worse.

“The owner of the house went outside and said to them, ‘No, my friends, don’t be so vile. Since this man is my guest, don’t do this disgraceful thing. Look here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. I will bring them out to you now, and you can use them and do to them whatever you wish. But to this man, don’t do such a disgraceful thing.” But the men would not listen to him. So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight. Judges 19: 23-26

Everything about this makes me want to cry. The request of the evil men. The apparent ease at which the virgin daughter and concubine are offered as a replacement to satisfy the sexual hunger of these men. The detail that we see in the events of the night – so brutal it left the woman dead on the doorpost. It is frightening to think that women and children today are still caught in industries that sell their bodies for sex.

It’s in the middle of all this mess, the middle of all this pain, destruction, idol worship that we find my new, favorite Easter Story. OK – some might say its not an Easter story – which typically deals with the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and all the events surrounding it. But without this story….. there would be no other. I’m pretty sure you will not hear about this in your Easter Service. And it starts right here….

In the days when the Judges ruled….

At the beginning of 2023 I was looking for a bible study resource. A friend suggested a reading plan that would guide me through the entire bible in one year – something I have never done. It is simple. Read 3-4 chapters a day and listen to a 5 – 8 minute podcast summing up the chapters. I am a podcast junkie so I was in. It was this new practice that revealed those most amazing words.

In those days when the Judges ruled…

I couldn’t wait to get through the book of Judges. As evidenced by account of the Levite and his concubine that I have shared, its a brutal, bloody, heart wrenching book. Tara- Leigh Cobble author of The Bible Recap ( the plan I am following) says it is a clear picture of life lived apart from God. When we stop seeking his wisdom, stop receiving his grace, stop looking for his direction… the lifestyle of the people of Judges is where we would all land. It is depressing and sad. How glad I was to turn the pages to a sweet little book that I knew well… Ruth.

I’ve read the story of Ruth dozens of times. I’ve studied it. I’ve taught it. I’ve heard sermons on it. I’ve acted out parts of the narrative with my children during our evening family devotions when they were young. Never in all my years though did my heart leap like it did when I read those opening lines.

In those days when the Judges ruled…

This story of an unassuming, bitter widow knocked down by life and her loyal daughter in law – equally deserving of sympathy with her shared title of widow is tucked in the middle of one of the ugliest times in Israels History. “In those days Israel had no king and everyone did as they saw fit.” Judges 21:25. These two women -Namoi an Israelite and her daughter in law Ruth a Moabite, were lost and without hope. Their husbands were dead and the land of Moab where they were living did not have a plan in place to provide for widows like Naomi’s home land of Judah. It was decided that they would return home to Bethlehem. Despite Naomi’s encouragement for Ruth to stay behind with her parents – Ruth insisted on going. Ruth was a foreigner and Naomi was concerned with how she would be received.

“But Ruth replied, ” Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me. ” Ruth 1: 16

The rest of this story reveals a beautiful account of restoration and redemption. In God’s goodness he leads Ruth to a field to gather the scraps left behind after harvest to provide for she and Naomi. Ruth works hard with one desire – to provide for she and her mother in law. She is noticed by the owner of the land who then instructs his workers to drop extra for her when they are harvesting and to not touch her. Through the most fascinating turn of events – the land owner named Boaz and Ruth marry. He is kind, he is loyal to God’s law, he is respected among men. He is everything I didn’t know existed in the time of the Judges. You will really want to read all the details of this story yourself. Oh it’s so good!

If this story ended with the marriage of Boaz and Ruth and the birth of their son it would have been good. This little sentence would have been the pretty bow to tie up this sweet package. “So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife. Then he went to her and the Lord enabled her to conceive, and she gave birth to a son.” Ruth 4: 13. It would have offered hope that not all the world had gone crazy in the time of the Judges.

But it doesn’t. The last verses, the zingers, the ones that I wish would be spoken on Easter Sunday because my goodness… I need to know that in our world that feels so hopeless some days, we still have reason to hold on.

The book that opens in the middle of a mess, ends with the reminder that God worked, can work, is working, will work… in the middle of ours.

“And they named the son Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the Father of David.” Ruth 4: 17

The David. King David. The ancestor of Jesus. Jesus Christ. The one who lived, died and rose again. The one we celebrate on Easter. The one who removes our guilt and shame and points us to a better future.

Ruth, the Moabite widow and Boaz the land owner that chose to live a God fearing life in a culture that did anything but that, gave birth to the son that lead to the birth of the next son and next son and next son that eventually led to the baby born in the manger… Son of God and Son of Man.

It’s hard to imagine that there can be good in the middle of evil. When our minds can only see bad news it feels impossible to believe that God is working behind the scenes in the messy middle. It’s hard to believe that God can take our messes, our mistakes, our poor choices and redeem them all.

But He Can.

But He will.

But HE is.

He IS.

Because He is Risen… Risen indeed.

Shower using fragrance free soap.

No deodorant or perfume.

No food or drink after Midnight….

No drink = no coffee. ugh.

We would leave the house at 5:00 a.m. to arrive for pre-op and then surgery at 6:30 am. I just wanted to get to the hospital so I could go back to sleep. The no coffee thing is a big deal. Tom tells me I’m addicted… and he’s not wrong. I prep my coffee the night before and it is literally the first thing I do in the morning. Push my coffee start button, let the dog out, take my vitamins, pour a cup and then settle in to my chair for the most important hour of my day. More on that later.

From the moment I received my cancer diagnosis on Oct. 31, 2022 I’ve been in GO mode both personally and professionally. I have looked forward to this day, writing day, for months. I have thousands of words and lessons and thoughts I have wanted to process via this blog but just couldn’t, wouldn’t take the time to do so. When I look back on my last blog, Dec. 20, 2022 I remember that I waited to write and now I’ve waited again. A college friend remarked, “I was surprised by your sudden announcement of your diagnosis… and wondered why.” In a world where we have access into thousands of peoples stories it is interesting that we have an expectation of knowing and needing people to know about all the nitty gritty of our lives.

I have learned a gazillion things about the words “Cancer diagnosis”, one being that each persons journey is each persons journey. Although we have a long way to go in understanding how to eradicate cancer there is a great deal we do know which allows for very specific treatment plans for each person. This means that when one receives a diagnosis it is not helpful to google it and think all the things you read from treatment protocol to side effects will be relevant to you or your loved one.

The uniqueness of each persons situation is not limited to the treatment plan but also to how they will share their journey with others. When we returned home from my lumpectomy… Tom said, “Well, we’ve had harder days.” And he was right. Surgery of any kind is nothing to shake a stick at but over the course of our almost 30 years of marriage we have had ring side seats to some pretty significant health challenges with our children, our parents and some extended family. All of those seasons impacted my decisions on how and who to bring into my cancer journey. The words in these series of blogs are not prescriptive but offered as food for thought. You may be walking into or in the middle of a really hard life season and part of the stress you are experiencing may be from feeling a need to keep all people “in the loop.” Let me be the first to tell you… that is not true.

Shut the door

“You don’t have to let them in.” It was a nurses aid that taught me one of the most important lessons on how to navigate difficult life seasons. We were in the middle of determining the cause of illness impacting the mobility, speech, response, over all function of our seven year old son. He was a medical mystery which meant he was a curiosity to all the doctors, medical students, nurses and friends and family. This sweet young aid looked me in my exhausted eyes and said, “Beth, you don’t have to let them in. The only people that need to be here are your doctors. Put a sign on the door indicating this and you will stop being bombarded.” Wow – I had no idea – boundaries??? We began to realize that we not only could limit entrance to the medical staff but also to well meaning, yet energy draining, friends and family. We were realizing that when some people would see first hand the enormity of the situation we were put in the position of offering comfort and assurance to them. Any energy I had was being poured into care for my son and making sure my daughters were taken care of and my relationship with Tom. Period. On more then one occasion I politely thanked our friends for coming to visit but shared that our son needed rest and we wouldn’t be able to visit. The only people we allowed in brought joy, belief and bold prayers. When they left we would all feel restored and rejuvenated.

As much as people thought they would be able to handle the situation, we knew they couldn’t. I am reminded of a time I pressed Tom for information on a situation with members of our church that he pastored years ago. I knew part of the story but not all. Tom has always been so good about not sharing confidential information and was determined to stay his per usual course. I thought it made sense for me to know “the rest of the story” because I already new part of it. Tom understood this and was still hesitant to share not because it would be wrong but because he knew I would not want the knowledge of someone else’s bad choices in my mind. I promised it would not impact me.

But it did. Dang it. It was more than I wanted and my heart and head took on a heaviness that was not necessary. There was absolutely nothing I could do about this situation. Hard lesson learned. I now believe that we are not physically or emotionally designed to carry all the worlds challenges that technology now provides access to sharing. Sharing too much, too soon can be exhausting to both the giver and the receiver. Discernment is critical.

The most important hour.

As I sat down to write my mind swirled with memories, lessons, gratitude, questions that I wanted to put into words. I prayed about where to start and what to share. I sat snuggled in our big over stuffed chair, with my 2nd cup of coffee warming my hands and it became clear. Start with the pre-op. Actually the pre, pre op. The Pre that preceded the diagnosis, the surgery the radiation treatments. The pre ops that have been happening in this very chair, with this favorite coffee mug for months prior to this crazy season. The pre-ops that have occurred in the most important hour of my day.

The writer of the book of Hebrews reminds us that the “Word of God is living and active.” Heb 4:12. This means it has the power to impact our very lives each and every day. It is filled with truth, promises, commands, hope. The Word paired with the direction of the Holy Spirit is what God left for us to guide us through each season. If each day brings its own set of challenges then I know I need a fresh look at HIS direction… on a daily basis. My most important hour of the day habit is the one I pray I have passed on to my children and I pray they pass on to theirs. As I look back through my journal that accompanies my time in the word each morning… I clearly see how the Lord we prepping me for the current season I have walked through. I recognize the words he was highlighting in my daily hour with him were faith seeds being planted and taking root… to give a strong structure on the day my life would shift in a matter of seconds and one quick phone call. It was also the pre-op words that provided peace and wisdom when discerning who and when to share my journey.

I knew clearly the order in which we would reveal my diagnosis..

Our Children.

Our siblings.

My “Life Board of Directors.” 3 friends that know everything about me and love me anyway.

10 prayer warriors.

I was also clear on who would not be brought in immediately.

My entire social media community.

My parents. huh? For most of my life my mom and dad would have been the first to receive my news. They have been my rock and foundation through many decisions and challenging seasons.

Interesting isn’t it. The Lord may guide you in ways that may not make sense to the rest of the world. A world that prescribes loudly how you should and should not walk out your personal journey. This is why I know my pre op time is so important. I need to clearly and loudly understand God’s direction in each and every situation.

Below is a glimpse into the lessons I was given in my pre-op season aka the month prior to my first mammogram. I share scripture verses, quotes, items from my to do list. These all live in a journal that sits next to my over stuffed chair that greets me each morning for my most important hour of the day. Maybe you’ll skim my entries, maybe you’ll read each detail or maybe you’ll skip all together. However you decide to proceed I pray that you consider finding some time for pre-op with your Lord each day, the physician of your soul. I also offer my time to anyone desiring direction on where and how to start this practice.

September 15, 2022:

“I have something hard but important to say to you..” Matthew 26:21

“Go out and train everyone you meet far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day. Right up to the end of the age. ” Matthew 28:19-20.

Monday Sept. 19, 2022:

Lord, give me a heart that expects your clear direction and intervention. Journal entry. Colorado Springs, CO.

Wednesday Sept. 21, 2022:

“Jesus was matter of fact: ” Embrace this God life. Really embrace it and nothing will be too much for you. Take this mountain for instance, Just say “Go jump in the lake, no shuffling or hemming and hawing – and it’s good and done. Thats why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life and you’ll get God’s everything.”

“Jesus told them “You’re all going to feel that your world is falling apart and that it’s my fault.” Mark 14:27-28

Sunday Sept. 25, 2022

“Because you love me Lord – I can always live, work in peace. I can trust you will reveal everything I need to know about next steps. I can be present with the people you put in my path. I can unconditionally love those around me.” Journal Entry

Sunday Oct. 2, 2022.

“A persons fear sets a trap for Him but one who trust the Lord is safe.” Proverbs 29:25

Wednesday Oct. 5, 2022.

“The Lord says, “My thoughts are not like yours. Your ways are not like mine. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9

Thursday Oct. 6, 2022.

Create template for a Breast Cancer Awareness fundraiser for my team. (Item on my work to-do list)

Friday Oct, 7, 2022.

I don’t have the ability to carry out God’s will except to be where he wants me to be. ( Journal entry)

Saturday Oct. 8, 2022.

“I will praise the Lord who counsels me even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tounge rejoices, my body will rest secure.” Psalm 16

Wednesday Oct. 12, 2022

Wise counsel leads to peace – even when circumstances remain hard. ( Journal Entry)

“You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning. My God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop. With my God – I can scale a wall. ” Psalm 18:28-29

Life doesn’t get easier – we get better, stronger, more trusting in our God who is faithful. ( Journal entry)

Friday Oct. 14, 2022.

Yearly Mammogram. Centerpoint Medical Building, Independence MO

Monday Oct. 17, 2022

“Friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence Him. With them alone He shares the secrets of His promises. My eyes are ever looking to the Lord for help, for he alone can rescue me.” Psalm 25:14-15

Wednesday Oct. 19, 2022.

“The steps of a good and righteous man are directed and established by the Lord, and he delights in his way (and blesses his path.) And when he falls, he will not be hurled down, because the Lord is the one who holds his hand and sustains him.

Thursday Oct. 20, 2022.

Notification that a shadow was detected in the image from my mammogram. My doctor would like a closer look. Schedule a second mammogram and ultrasound for Monday Oct. 24.

Friday Oct. 21, 2022.

Celebrate my 52 birthday with friends on our deck. It was a beautiful night and a sweet celebration.

Sunday Oct. 23, 2022.

“I have set the Lord always before me because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefor my heart is glad and my tounge rejoices and my body will rest secure. Psalm 16:8-9

Message my friend to see if she can join me for my second mammogram and ultrasound.

Monday Oct. 24, 2022.

Second Mammogram and Ultrasound.

Hour conversation with Jonah while he discerns next steps after missing a medication dose needed to navigate his epilepsy. Did this while riding my exercise bike. Finished with enough time to shower and travel the 40 minutes to my appointment. It was a day of strong winds and rains both to and from the appointment. So glad my friend was with me.

Appointment confirms the shadow discovered in first mammogram is indeed a mass. Meet with nurse manager to schedule biopsy to determine if it is cancerous.

My sister calls. She is requesting that I make a trip to Texas to help my parents pack for their move. After months of anticipation they will relocate to a senior living center 1 hour from me. Mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and a smaller home closer to family is needed. I share the news that I have need of a biopsy and my sister immediately adjusts her work and family life to stay longer to help our parents. It all feels like really bad timing. My sister and I make the decision to not share this information with our parents due to the enormous stress of their current transition season. I would pray about the appropriate time to share.

Tuesday Oct. 25,2022.

Journal Entry: Gratitude list

• Warm blanket
• Modest male ultrasound tech
• Clarity with each step
• Cindy riding with me. Cindy’s prayer for me in the car while I cried in the parking lot.
• Lisa’s text that brought light and love.
• energy to lead business events from 6:30 pm to 10 p.m. the night of my appointment.
• Toms’ volleyball team wins in 3!
• Jonah – finds the right meds.

Wed. Oct 26, 2022

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.” Hebrews 12:28

“Simply put, if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it goodbye, you can’t be my disciple. Luke 14:33 MSG

Thursday Oct. 27, 2022

Biopsy – morning

Saturday Oct. 29, 2022

Thoughts from Romans 12 The Message Version:

-Fix my attention on God

• God brings the best out of you, Develops well formed maturity in you.
• Love from the center of who you are.
• Discover beauty in everyone
• Don’t quit in hard times, pray all the harder.
• Don’t let evil get the best of you, get the best of evil by doing good.

Sunday Oct. 30, 2022

“You make known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” Psalm 16:11 NIV

“I always remember that the Lord is with me. He is here, close by my side, so that nothing can defeat me.” ERV Psalm 16:11

Monday Oct. 31, 2022

Journal Entry: List of God Attributes

• Creator
• In Charge
• Give authority in Heaven and earth
• Direct my Path
• Light
• You give me ALL that I need
• You support me
• You give me my share
• Your word sustains.

” I pray that God will open our minds to see His truth. Then we will know the hope that he has chosen us to have. We will know that the blessings God has promised his holy people are rich and glorious. And we will know that God’s power is very great for us who believe. It is the same as the mighty power He used to raise Christ from death and put him at His right side in the heavenly places. He put Christ OVER ALL the rulers, authorities, powers and kings. He gave him Authority over everything that has power in this world or the next world. God put everything under Christs power and made him head over everything for the church. The church is Christ’s body. It is filled with him. He makes everything complete in every way. ” Eph 1:18- 19.

11:15 a.m. I receive a call that my biopsy has confirmed Ductal Carcinoma- Breast cancer. My doctor is personal friends with the best surgeon in town and he immediately sends a text directly to her personal phone. His message moved me to the top of her list. One week later I would meet with Dr. Mindi Beahm Surgeon to discuss biopsy results, next steps.

11:30 a.m. Move back into a long list of tasks connected with my business. We would finish one of our best production months as a team in my 20 years in business. It would appear that my next months would hold both great joy and challenge in many areas of my life.

Nov. 1, 2022

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all Grace will himself complete, confirm, strengthen and establish you, (making you what you ought to be) To Him be dominion, power, authority, sovereignty forever and ever Amen.” 1 Peter 5

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God ( set aside self righteous pride) so that He may exalt you ( to a place of honor in His service) at the appropriate time, casting all my cares (all my anxieties, all my worries, and all my concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares about me and my family with deepest affection and watches over us very carefully.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

Today we would tell our kids about my diagnosis. This concerned me more than the actual diagnosis. My pre-op time with Jesus confirmed this was where we would start our reveal. It also provided me with the peace needed in each phone call we made to our three children.

My pre-op was critical. It was the hours with Jesus that preceded this season that have made all the difference. It gave me the lens to look through, the faith muscle to lean on and the discernment to know when and how to share, to not share.

On the eve of my last radiation treatment this week I received news that a young mom in our town was not doing well. She had battled aggressive cancer for the last two years. It appeared that her journey on earth would soon come to a close. The same evening we became aware of an active shooter on the campus of Michigan State University – a place near and dear to our families heart. I fell asleep holding the excitement of my cancer treatments ending the next day in one hand and the unknown of a woman’s cancer journey and the lives of thousands of college students in the other. I spent the next morning receiving my last treatment, delivering cookies to the staff, ringing my bell and going out for a celebratory lunch with a friend. I returned home to watch a few moments of the Parade being held for the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl champions, while reading a text that the sweet young mom had indeed ended her cancer battle and was now in the arms of Jesus and that 3 college students were confirmed dead and 5 in critical condition after the rampage of a rouge gunman at MSU. Mountain peaks and valleys – indeed.

Whew. Pre- op. Daily time with Jesus. Listening, learning, crying out, celebrating, questioning.. the one who holds each day in his hand. If you are reading this feeling like you just cant hold it all together – the highs and lows of this life… because you are trying to do it all alone.. Let me confirm…

You’re right.

It may be time for your own personal Pre-op time.

Make an appointment today.

Your Doctor is IN.

Colorado Springs, Sept. 2022. Part of my pre-op month was spent with my oldest daughter after her knee surgery. Another unexpected event that reminded me of a need for a close walk with the Lord.

I am expecting the Lord to rescue me again, so that once again I will see his goodness to me here in the land of the living. Don’t be impatient. Wait for the Lord and he will come and save you! Be brave, stouthearted, and courageous. Yes, wait and he will help you. Psalm 27:13-14

No one strategizes a seating chart like a group of girls picking a table for our high school prom. The hours spent discussing first, who will be at the table and then second who sits next to who rival planning of any major corporate Christmas party. Factors such as how long the couple has been dating to who irritates who the most all play in to the discussion. Throw in a last minute date change and things can get real spicy, real quick. It is no surprise that when given the opportunity to exert some type of control on a night that holds such high expectations for possibly the best night of their lives, 16 year olds will take it.

And wouldn’t we all.

Nothing spoils a good dinner party like the unexpected, sometimes uninvited annoying guest. If given the chance to keep all uncomfortable conversation at bay I will certainly take it. I naturally seek out those that I know and love when put in a situation where I have a choice.

Don’t you?

When given the choice between……

People that irritate, have caused or are currently causing pain. People that make me feel unsafe and unloved.

V.

People that celebrate, welcome and even challenge me (in a good way) .

I would pick the second group 10 out of 10 times.

One bad guest has the potential to ruin the night. One disturbing presence and all the fabulousness of the event can waft right out the window.

But gosh….

Lately it feels like those folks from choice number 1, or in my life, those circumstances, diagnosis, keep showing up, pulling up a chair, raising their voice with their glass and proclaiming in a loud voice….

Look at me!!!!

The morning was cold and dark and I was groggy and thirsty as my husband and I began our trip to the medical center 40 minutes from our home. My mind was darting between the thought of my upcoming surgery and the funeral of a young man taken too soon. Both happening on the same day, at the same time. Both uninvited guests to my personal table and the ones of a family living in the same small town that I do. Going into a procedure requiring anesthesia, rest, followed by the possibility of several months of treatments when everything in me felt Just. Fine…..

Did not make sense.

Just like the thought of a young wife and mother attending the funeral of her husband. What in the world?

2 enemies.

2 tables.

No invitations but both clearly present.

Both boldly proclaiming that they would now be taking all our joy,

all our peace

all our power.

Cancer.

Traffic accidents.

Gosh I want the imagined control of the 16 year old picking a seating chart for the prom. I want to dismiss the obnoxious boy that will ruin the night and only include my favorite people. I want all of life to be instagram post worthy with warm filters and smiles on faces that make all want to trade places at the beautifully decorated table I have set.

But they show up. Those uninvited guests. Enemies to our soul.

And yet, in this season …. I am reminded that their presence does not have to steal my presents. The gifts of a good dinner party that can remain when I choose to shift my focus. When I intentionally move my eyes from the uninvited guest to the generous host that has a glorious banquet prepared in their presence. I sometimes believe that the enjoyment of the dinner party will only come when the irritating person or circumstance leaves. These words from Psalms 23 remind me this is

Just.

Not

True.

You provide delicious food for me in the presence of my enemies. You have welcomed me as your guest, blessings overflow! Psalm 23:5-6 The Living Bible

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You have anointed and refreshed my head with oil. My cup overflows. Psalm 23:5-6 The Amplified Bible

You become my delicious feast even when my enemies dare to fight. TPT Psalm 23:5-6

You prepared a meal for me in front of my enemies, You welcomed me as an honored guest. ERV Psalm 23:5-6

You are making a table of food ready for me in front of those who hate me. You have poured oil on my head. I have everything I need. NLV Psalm 23:5-6.

You prepare a banquet for me while my enemies watch. Psalm 23:5-6

Verses 5 and 6 are the answer. The key to navigating our run ins with lifes uninvited guests. They remind us :

1. Enemies or uninvited guests are, have and will come.
2. The banquet will go on.
3. Our enemies will be watching.
4. We can enjoy the feast while they are seated at the table
5. While at the table with my enemies, I can be treated as an honored guest, my blessings will overflow and the food will be delicious.

“What can we do?”

Isn’t that the question we ask of someone navigating a particularly challenging dinner guest?

As we stood in the entry way to my home, I paused before I answered my 2 friends that had asked if they could stop by ‘real quick’. They wanted to present me with a sweet gift that reminds me every day that faith as small as a mustard seed is all that is needed to navigate the mountainous challenges that arrive in our lives stories. I’m so grateful for the tribe that God has so graciously placed in my world.

My diagnosis came as a total surprise. Even now as I type this from my view from the middle of my treatment plan I have a hard time remembering. Remembering that just 2 months ago after my yearly routine mammogram I was summoned to return for a second look with both mammogram and ultrasound leading to a request for an even closer look which comes from a needle biopsy. All these looks …. revealing…

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.

Breast Cancer.

A Very Uninvited Guest.

And an opportunity to make a decision, to shift my gaze to the author and perfecter of my faith, to the artist of my life, the host of my dinner party.

“Beth, what can we do?”

In the moment I answered this question my future was so unknown. How would I recover from the diagnosed lumpectomy? Would my follow up include both chemotherapy and radiation? If it included both and I lost all my hair – would it grow back curly like all my friends that have attended this same, damn dinner party before me? Gosh I did not want curly hair. (No offense to my curly hair friends:) At least I would have a reason for investing in cute hats???

“Be excellent. Be the best you that you can be. Play big as a wife, as a mom, as professional, as a volunteer. Don’t shrink back. Don’t let doubt, discouragement, despair sneak into your heart, mind or soul. What the enemy wants to use to increase his territory… God promises he can use for good. Good. The last thing I would want is for the hard that is happening to me to cause others to stop showing up in the way that God wants and needs you to. Right. Now.”

This is what I said to my friends. This is what I said to my children, my husband, the team I lead. This is what I say ….

To you the reader.

Today.

What I know now, that I did not know when I was chatting with my friends in the entrance of my home is …

That my cancer is Stage 1. That my lumpectomy was a success, revealing no spread of cancer to my lymph nodes and a negative margin surrounding the large, buried tumor that was extracted from my body. That I will not need chemotherapy (no hair loss, no curly hair, no cute hat collection – well maybe I will still buy some hats). That in January ’23 I will begin 21 consecutive radiation treatments to reduce my risk of cancer return from 20% to less than 5%.

What I know now is that in the midst of this season my dinner party is not ruined. I have seen God show up in a gazillion amazing ways to show me his love, his provision, his strength, his joy. I have felt the warmth of the glow that rivals the feelings from the very best gathering surrounding the perfect collection of 16 year olds around a beautifully decorated prom table.

As I look around my world I observe so many enemies showing up to my friends and families tables. Just when I feel like I’ve completely turned my eyes off of my own uninvited guests I see them popping up at another table in another life. It is then that I stop attempting to arrange the seats around my table and theirs and trust the abundance that comes when I rest in the plans of the very best host.

I pray that your hope in 2023 rests in our God Host alone. I pray that the enemies at your table grow smaller and more insignificant as your hope, trust and real experience of your Savior grows bigger than ever before.

“Certainly, goodness and mercy will stay close to me all the days of my life, and I will remain in the Lord’s house for days without end.” Psalm 23:6

Yes and Amen.

Much love,

justbeth

Enjoying my birthday with friends was an important celebration at the beginning of my cancer journey:)

“The fear of human opinion disables. Trusting God protects you from that.” Proverbs 29:25

Like a scared cat running from an enthusiastic dog…. He knew it might be his only chance.

His only opportunity. Not to get away, but to get a closer look.

He was desperate. He had heard about this life changer and his message of hope and something had started to shift deep down in his soul. Everything he believed to be true and right about his life had been turned upside down. The life of luxury and wealth he was living at the cost of others, the one that had never caused him to lose a wink of sleep – now kept him up at night. He was ready to make a change but he wanted, needed to make a direct connection with the voice behind the message that was spreading like wildfire. The words of life and truth. The words that offered grace for all his past mistakes and an invitation to live full and free. He just needed a glimpse of The One and word on the street was that he was very close by.

Except that the crowd was large in number and stature. And the man, the one with few friends due to his reputation of being a cheat and a fraud – was alone. And he was small.

Short – to be exact.

The people pushed all around him and he heard the voices announcing the Man’s arrival ….

But he just couldn’t see.

Oh how he wanted to see.

Really see.

Oh How I want to see…. really see.

An amazing thing happens when your hungry enough, curious enough, desperate enough…

Your willingness to do what you’ve never done before, or what others may look down on you for becomes a viable option.

All cares of lack of skill, education, or opinions of others fly right out the window……

And the tree you’ve walked by a million times now becomes the answer to your question….

How can I see Him? Really See Him?

Oh How I want to see…. really see.

“He wanted desperately to see Jesus but the crowd was in his way – he was a short man and couldn’t see over the crowd. So he ran on ahead and climbed up in a sycamore tree so he could see Jesus when he came by.” Luke 19:3-4

It made perfect sense.

He was short.

The crowds were tall.

And … well, crowded

and the best way to get a clear view was to go up, get up, climb up

The nearest tree.

A sycamore tree.

“Because the branches of the sycamore-fig are strong and wide-spreading, and because it produces many lateral branches, it was an easy evergreen tree for Zaccheus to climb, and in which he could easily be hidden.”( Bible Gateway)

…… and in which he could easily be hidden.

Zaccheus, a tax collector, wanted to see Jesus but he did not necessarily want to be seen. He had so much to hide. So many layers of shame and guilt from his way of life. In the time when Jesus walked the earth, tax collectors were a hated lot. They were Jews that worked for the oppressive Roman government. They were seen as “turncoats” that used their position to take more than was required. They became wealthy off of their fellow Jews – using the extra they collected to support their lavish lifestyles. He wanted what Jesus had to offer but he guessed Jesus wouldn’t want to actually get close to him. He’d just climb the tree, snuggle in to the branches and watch Jesus share his love and message with more worthy recipients.

But Jesus wasn’t looking for the ones prettied up on the outside. The ones certain of their worth because of the clothes they wore, the good deeds they had done. The ones whose peace came from status and stature.

Jesus was looking for tree climbers.

The ones adjusting their lives to get a glimpse of him.

The ones throwing aside all care of tarnishing their reputation.

The ones with hearts open to the changes he would ask them to make.

The ones that when they felt the tug on their hearts that he was getting closer,

Climbed a tree to get a better look.

Oh how I want to be a tree climber, and see, really see.

But Goodness the crowds can feel thick.

The crowds we might call…

to do lists….

and opinions of others….

and world events out of my control…

and family members struggling…

and a business to maintain and grow…

The crowds that can distract, disappoint and discourage.

The ones that can block my view from the One who wants to guide me through it all.

The ones I need to bust through to get to the nearest tree, grab hold of its branches and hoist myself up to see the One that loves me most.

Jesus is looking for the tree climbers. He is so ready to welcome the tree climbers.

The ones tired and weary from the battle through the crowds. The ones hungry and open and ready.

“When Jesus got to the tree, he looked up and said ‘Zaccheus, hurry down. Today is my day to be a guest in your home.'” Luke 19:6

And just like that, Zaccheus life is changed forever. He has been noticed. He has been called by name. He has been invited in. No judgement. No list of boxes checked.

Just a man with enough faith to climb a tree and pray for a glimpse of his Savior.

An extension of abundant grace to a man that deserved nothing.

When grace floods our lives it cant help but rush towards those around us. When we receive abundantly we can give abundantly.

“So Zaccheus hurried and came down, and welcomed Jesus with JOY. He stopped and said to the Lord , “See Lord, I am now giving half of my possessions to the poor, and If I have cheated anyone out of anything, I will give back four times as much.” Luke 19:8

Oh how I want to be like our tree climber friend Zaccheus……

Convinced that I have nothing of worth to bring to my Savior except my open, eager, repentant heart.

Willing to fight through my crowds to hear his voice welcoming me in,

reminding me I am loved,

pointing me to a better tomorrow.

Much Love, justbeth