It was the foggiest Christmas season I can remember. Not spotty fog that burns off by mid morning, but thick, dense, suffocating fog that lingers from sun up to sun down. Days of it.
Days,
and Days….
and Days.
A fog that makes one think – it cannot possibly be this dark tomorrow. And then it is, again and again and again.
On New Years Eve – after what felt like a month of fogginess – the thick clouds finally lifted. The sun shown, the blue sky danced and you could feel a shift in the energy in the air and in our Vitamin D deprived souls. So when I snuggled into bed at 9 pm (my normal New Years eve bedtime, lets be clear – my normal- every night bedtime). I had the fleeting thought that this new blue sky trend must continue.
New Year – New Sky.
Fresh visions, renewed hope for a better future. Desire to do more. Resolves for stronger habits – deeper convictions.
All.
The.
Things.
And then I woke up and it was back, denser than before.
The fog in the air, and if I am honest – some of the fog in my soul.
What the what?
Despite it being an actual New YEAR – what do you do when everything still feels the same? When the flip of the calendar is just that – a flip of the calendar. Everything else, the circumstances, the realities, the dirty dishes in this sink and laundry in the basket – still there.
What do we do when we want change so desperately and everything around us wants to dim our ability to see what we we thought was so clear?
I realized when I opened up this writing platform that I have 10 unfinished blogs spanning the last 1 1/2 years. The last completed blog was in the summer of 2024. There were several years where I wrote weekly and during Lent of 2020 I wrote and published something
every.
single.
day.
What happened?
Life has felt low key confusing verging of full out chaos. I know you can relate.
Chaos up – Writing down.
Ever dropped anything in your foggy seasons?
I know, because I listen and I watch. I see the lives of people I know and love in the midst of things they never thought possible. For many, 2025 was a year of deep hurt and overwhelming challenge.
Toward the end of December I was getting a steady stream of inspiring quotes to process and questions to answer as I prepared for a New Year. In the midst of the normal – “You can do it, its a fresh start, God is making all things new posts” I saw one that gave me pause.
It was not an encouragement to look forward but to pause and look back. In the long list of questions formatted as individual frames of an instagram post – there were two that stood out.
- Before you plan next year, spend one weekend asking yourself what actually drained you this year. ( most high achieving humans jump straight into next year’s goals without understanding the patterns that exhausted them.)
- List 10 unexpected gifts from this year, things you’re grateful for that you didn’t plan. (BRAINZ MAGAZINE)
In the midst of the actual fog blocking my backyard sunrise view and a cold that has taken control of my sinus cavities – making thinking difficult – it created the perfect opportunity to ponder these 2 things:
Things that drained
Unexpected Gifts
FALL RISK
First – Things that drain.
I made my list. I discovered there were several things that have been on the list for literal years. Things within my control. Things I didn’t feel I had the energy or ability to do anything about. – which I now realize was simply not true. Second – I discovered that there were some very real and hard things that had occurred. I allowed myself time to acknowledge both the difficulty of the circumstances and the reality that I was still alive. STILL ALIVE.
Written, honest words on a page staring back at you are powerful.
The fall season brought on a level of chaos I had not anticipated. I watched two women in my town lose spouses too soon. My body was reminding me daily of the need for a surgery that would need to wait until we walked through a “necessary spine surgery” for my dad. I would need to be available to him and then I could deal with my own stuff. This surgery that I was lead to believe would require 2 weeks of intense caregiving time turned in to 2 months. Full of multiple urgent phone calls – “your dad fell. He didn’t sleep” He will need to be in Rehab 3 weeks – not 3 days. Once home we were making regular trips to the ER. I spent hours in the ER, hours in the hospital when docs were trying to figure out what was going on. My sweet dad was struggling. I wanted him back and healthy. I wanted my mom -his wife- back and by his side. Hours with a Geriatric Pharmacist that seemed to give some good advice. We moved forward with tentative hope.
UNEXPECTED GIFTS
By the end of October things seemed fairly stable. My husband and I were able to attend a 3 day Spiritual Leadership Coaching workshop with some of my very best friends and their spouses. It provided time to process, to grow deeper in our understanding of how God wants to speak to us and others. These three days gave space to think new thoughts and bring some of the realities of my world into focus. I found myself crying out to God. I was so tired of feeling like I couldn’t make plans, have vision for a future. Life was so foggy, so many things were falling. I would take one step forward and feel like I would need to take 5 steps back. The risk of forward thinking was being smashed down by the weight of the fog and falls it seemed to fuel.
And then….
And then…. God spoke.
It was more – God reminded me. I love that when scripture comes to our mind , we can trust the Holy Spirit had something to do with it.
In John 14:26 Jesus says,
But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
One of the questions we were asked at the Spiritual Leadership Coaching Workshop was – “What false vines are you connected to?” Where are you looking for peace that is not from God? Where are you spending your time? What thoughts dominate your mind? What beliefs are you holding tight to that are not from the true vine,Jesus, that we learn about in John 15.
God revealed his answer through an obscure story from the Old Testament. I had read it months ago ( shout out The Bible Recap reading plan). Obscure then but now God used it to break through the fog of discouragement that had settled in. He turned what felt like a whisper when I first read it into a shout from the mountain tops – straight to my fog covered heart.
The false vine I had been holding tight too, the mantra I was repeating over and over and over…
I can’t have vision or hope for the future in the midst of chaos. My life will always be one of survival – not thriving. I can’t think ahead – the circumstances are too daunting. Buckle up and settle in for a life of mediocrity that leave hope in the backseat.. maybe even kicked to the curb. I was tired and this vine felt very comfortable. Pass the remote… pour a glass of wine.
And then there came Elisha.
The account in 2 Kings 6 describes a challenging season in the lives of God’s people the Israelites. A prophet Elisha had been sent to share God’s truth to them and to their adversaries. And one king was ticked.
2 KINGS 6:9-20
9 The man of God ( Elisha) sent word to the king of Israel: “Beware of passing that place, because the Arameans are going down there.” 10 So the king of Israel checked on the place indicated by the man of God. Time and again Elisha warned the king, so that he was on his guard in such places.
11 This enraged the king of Aram. He summoned his officers and demanded of them, “Tell me! Which of us is on the side of the king of Israel?”
12 “None of us, my lord the king,” said one of his officers, “but Elisha, the prophet who is in Israel, tells the king of Israel the very words you speak in your bedroom.”
13 “Go, find out where he is,” the king ordered, “so I can send men and capture him.” The report came back: “He is in Dothan.” 14 Then he sent horses and chariots and a strong force there. They went by night and surrounded the city.
15 When the servant of Elisha got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked.
16 “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”
17 And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.
18 As the enemy came down toward him, Elisha prayed to the Lord, “Strike this army with blindness.” So he struck them with blindness, as Elisha had asked.
19 Elisha told them, “This is not the road and this is not the city. Follow me, and I will lead you to the man you are looking for.” And he led them to Samaria.
20 After they entered the city, Elisha said, “Lord, open the eyes of these men so they can see.” Then the Lord opened their eyes and they looked, and there they were, inside Samaria.
We can have vision in chaos, focus in the fog…..
when our spiritual eyes are opened.
God showed up and showed off in the midst of possibly one of the most confusing times for the servant of Elisha. They were physically surrounded by their enemies. So dense ( like a fog that doesn’t lift) that hope was lost. What will we do!!!!
But Elisha..
But God….
the one who can give
focus in the fog
light in the darkness.
Vision in the Chaos
Hope for our future.
When the calendar turned from October to November – I just kept waiting for the week when I could rest. The only pre requisite was that I needed major surgery before that could happen. Before the world and I would know I
was not available.
For anyone.
I could
not
wait.
The Monday of the week of Thanksgiving I checked into surgery I was given 2 hospital bracelets.
One had printed my identity – Full name, birthdate.
Beth Lynn Lange
10/21/1970
One that indicated I was a FALL RISK. hmmm…. ironic – I thought. Hours of my life have been dedicated to putting out fires with my dad because of this identification.
And what I would learn 10 hours later…is that we all,
in every moment of our lives..
are at risk of falling.
My doctor tells me now that I was on his – super simple, low challenge, low risk, easy peasy surgery list for his day in the operating room. He now tells me the actual surgery was quick, shorter that expected, didn’t reveal any cancer,( PTL) removed the pesky and quite large fibroid, and all my reproductive organs. Everything looked great.
Until it wasn’t.
A series of unfortunate events starting with my bodies inability to totally wake up after surgery lead to foley bags inserted, stroke protocols called for when I couldn’t answer the questions I’d been asked a gazilion times: Name, Birthdate, where are you…..
I have memories of looking at Tom, he looked concerned, looking at my friend Allie, a nurse who works in the hospital where I was and stopped by to check in , trying to ask them what was going on. In my head I knew what I wanted to say but the words, gosh the words..
Just so hard to find the words.
Lots of lights, lots of doctors, rushing down a hallway, cat scan, “Beth you need to lay still”… “Oh yes I thought – I’ve done this before.” Back to my room.
Nurses all night long that wanted to know my name and my darn birthdate. Why? Why do you need to know? Are you planning a party for my next circle around the sun celebration? Why was this question so hard.
And then 7 a.m. came and the fog was gone. Just like that.
My body didn’t like the cocktail of anesthesia and post surgery pain meds. Once things had processed through my body – I was fine. Just fine.
Beth Lynn Lange
10/21/1970
I answered the nurse boldly, confidently.
And my dear husband who had spent the night on the hard hospital room couch proclaimed,
“She’s back.”
When I think back on those approx 16 hours of crazy.. I do not remember feeling afraid.. I just wondered how long this fog would last?
Isn’t that what we want to know when the fog feels thick – Lord how long?
How long will feel I this way,
How long, How long, how long.
And the Lord answers – I’m here.
No time frame, no schedule of events, no programs with all the acts of our lives formatted perfectly where you can see the beginning, middle and end all at one time.
Just the promise.. I’m here. Immanual – God with us.
He brings light to our darkness, our fog, our confusion, our despair… its what he does. Its what he did… from the first day he created the world,
Genesis 1:1-2
1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.
To the light he used to lead his people through the dessert, Exodus 13:21
By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.
And when he sent his son in flesh as the light that came into to world to redeem and restore all that has been lost.
John 8:15
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
Things that drain,
Unexpected gifts.
I found my lists beginning to dance together. It was in the draining seasons where I experienced so many unexpected gifts. Gods people encouraging, Gods timing opening up small pockets to enjoy the delights of life, God giving strength and answers I simply did not have. Mourning would turn to dancing would turn to mourning and spin back around to dancing. The Lord used both lists to bring me good and Him glory.
He can and he does give Vision in our Chaos. He will open our spiritual eyes to things beyond our understanding.
Sometimes shining enough light for one tiny step.
Sometimes giving clear, miles wide vision for our future.
His light ……in my fog,
your fog.
Lord,
open
our
eyes.
Amen.
2 Cor 4:4-12
4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
justbeth:) 