Wave up on wave upon wave upon wave. Bobbing, twisting, falling, uprighting . Laughing, squealing, jumping, riding, floating.

Wave upon wave upon wave upon wave….. upon

WAVE.

Growing up in the Great Lake state… pure Michigan… meant I have a boat load of water memories. At the end of the street of my childhood home was a small lake. Lakes are everywhere in Michigan – a fact I took for granted until I moved away as an adult. Our lake provided us with a small beach and swimming spot in the summer and a frozen oasis for ice skating in the winter. No entrance fees, no membership cards just direct access to hours and hours of water fun.

Many of our family vacations took us to the bigger lakes of Michigan. If you are reading this and hail from Michigan you have already rattled off the 5 Lakes that surround the mitten state. A quick geography lesson… the five lakes start with the letters that make up the acronym HOMES: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, Superior. ( extra credit: The state flower is the apple blossom, the state bird is the robin and the state animal is the wolverine – of which none actually can be found in Michigan:). These lakes on good days could become a playground for excitement and thrills when the wind was strong enough to create waves that would lift and carry you from one spot to another. The water is also fresh so no grimy salt residue on your skin like you get when experiencing the waves of ocean water.

Wave riding demands attention. You have to know when to jump. Its all about the timing. A good wave rider patiently watches towards the horizon as a wave moves forward. They know a good one that will crest- hit its peak at just the right moment. As the wave gets closer the wave rider will crouch a bit lower with a slight bend in the knees. As the wave rider bends they wait for the feel of the wave on their back and then push down with their feet to jump as the wave crashes into them. You then move your arms above your head like your diving into the water and lift your feet off the bottom of the lake floor. If the crouching, turning, jumping are timed just right you will find yourself on top of the wave … gliding quickly forward towards the shore with a feeling that can best described as glee. It is invigorating, exciting and calls you back for more.

My memories of waves continued to grow over my lifetime to include experiencing waves in many of Michigans great lakes and then expanded with opportunities to enjoy both Pacific and Atlantic ocean waves on the shores of California, South Carolina and Texas. The smaller Michigan Lake waves prepared me for the larger ocean waves that demanded more attention, more agility and more strength. The ocean waves demand respect. A wave rider cannot look or think lightly about a big ocean wave. They are powerful, they can create fun but they are also

dangerous.

Oh how I love the waves.

Until last week.

The first time the wave beats you is terrifying. When a wave rider is swept under by the force of a big wave… the glee filled experience of surfing above the wave towards shore is gone. The water is pushed over ones head and you lose all sense of which way is up. Your body starts to struggle as the sounds of the people on the beach disappear and the water blocks all from your senses. Some of the emotions can be fear, overwhelm and possibly even despair.

I was recently reminded that the events of life can often feel like waves – pushing, pulling, tugging us down.

I made a list of life waves that have attempted to push me under. Each causing its own form of discouragement, frustration, fear. We all have them…and for most of us, most of the time… we feel the push, we steady ourselves and somehow manage to keep our head above water. That was me – navigating some fairly large waves, each attempting sweep me off my feet yet none being successful.

breast cancer

Alzheimers

Move mom and dad to independent living.

Moving mom to memory care. ER runs, doctor visits… yadda yadda yadda.

And then

Eddie.

Eddie – the wave that took me under.

A little 13 pound dog. The cutest dog on the planet. My loyal companion through everything. The presence in my life when no one else was around. The one that sat at my feet with every move I made. He slept at my side, he woke when I woke, he slept when I slept,

bible study,

Basement during workouts

shower,

office,

kitchen,

vacations,

work trips

and our daily walk around our high school campus. -where students and staff all greeted him. Everybody loved Eddie.

The cancer that took over his body was discovered only because of some blood spots left on the floor when he sat. His behavior was mostly normal – old dog cataracts and a bit lower in energy. What I thought would be quick visit to the vet to receive antibiotics and pain meds for a swollen gland turned into a fruit basket upset of my day… or the crashing of a wave that sent Tom and I into a decision we had not planned on making that day. As we stood in our kitchen we looked at our sweet puppy and knew that the most humane thing to do would be to let him leave this earth in peace.

Wave upon wave up wave upon wave.

WAVE.

It was just 4 days later that my mom in a battle her doctor tells me she will not win…. the battle for her mind by a disease called Alzheimers … for the first time… did not recognize me. Her usual smile that lights up her face when I enter her room was gone as she greeted my with a polite hello. It was the sound of a hello saved for strangers- not me. That day on my drive home from my parents senior living facility – my dad in independent living, my mom in memory care… was the first time I have shed tears over my mom. I had wondered when this would happen. My family has been walking this road of memory loss for years. I’ve held grief at bay, arms length, an ocean width away. It took this wave, the loss of my dog to push me deep down into the silence found only in the deep water where I have met with the most important lesson in my 52 years of life.

Jesus is in the deep.

I think for the longest time when I thought about the comfort of Jesus I picture it as he getting me OUT of something – not sitting IN the something with me.

Jesus is in the water- under the water,

way.

down.

deep-with me, with you – under the crashing waves.

He is the oxygen, forcing my gaze on him alone – not letting me rush to the surface to feel the warmth of the sun and the happy distractions of the sounds on the beach. He has a love that can only be felt when the wave has crashed over me and there appears to be no where out. He has a love that needs to be experienced, embraced, desired, longed for … a love that surpasses knowledge and he needs us to own it. To breath it. Jesus meets us under the waves demanding our gaze, our attention our everything , needing HIS everything.

He has plans for us.

But we need to be filled with him alone – His peace, his strength, his love – that surpasses anything we will ever know..

and sometimes…

many times…

We need a wave, or 2 or 3 or one really big one to take us under so we can meet Him – with lungs ready to inhale all he has and all he is.

The apostle Paul has a prayer for his listeners in Ephesians 3. It is a short yet powerful prayer that must be answered, trusted, believed before the listener goes on to read the final 3 chapters of the letter to this people group.

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit. In your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And, I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Did you catch that…..

This love that surpasses knowledge.

The chapters that follow this prayer are filled with the Apostle Pauls call to holy living in all areas of life. He challenges his listeners to raise their bars and not settle for mere infant behavior. His call can be mistaken as a list of have to’s that need to be met to earn Christs love when it is actually just the opposite.

The list, the challenges are meant to be met as a RESPONSE to the love we have received as a gift that is often given in the deep,

the gift of unconditional, powerful, love

felt, embraced, believed, BREATHED.

In the 10 days that have passed since out little dogs life came to a close… I’ve been hanging out in the deep, under water. The first few days felt oppressive and I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to navigate a world with so many reminders of Eddies presence.

I cried.

a lot.

And yet….. each time my heart started to ache, in the deep waters I remembered I was not alone. I actually felt it. It was Jesus. Reminding me of his presence, showing me his love through his word, a friends sweet text, hugs from neighbor children that loved our dog maybe just as much as me, phone calls from our kids, and a gazillion other ways I was aware of his love that surpassed anything I had ever known.

What are your waves? Are you in deep? Do you have a wave that took you out that you’re not sharing because you are embarrassed at what felt like a big wave to you yet others may think is small??

A friend who is mourning the 2nd anniversary of the loss of her young husband reminded me that a broken heart is a broken heart – it does not matter how it got that way.

Friends – God wants to FILL you. Eph 3:20 says “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more then we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen. “

Then… we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the WAVES, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Ephesians 4:14

The enemy of our soul desires that our life waves that deplete us, devour us, leave us without hope would send us clamoring to the surface, back to the beach scrambling for all the quick fixes to pain and suffering this world offers. IF this is you I invite you to rest in the deep. I invite you to pay attention to the one that is offering you the gift of HIS life giving breath. He is there, is waiting… let the filling begin.